THOSE YELLOW BONES
I am getting sick and tired of people who go around telling lies about Satan.
They say the devil is a liar. I say they lie.
I am not about to become the devil’s advocate here – if you know what I mean – but something should be done about this.
Everywhere you go, folks are saying the devil is a liar. I think this is a lie peddled by people who have nothing intelligent to say.
“The devil is a liar…” So, what did he say? What did he lie about? What was the question and what exactly was Satan’s answer?
May all those who do not have answers to these and many other questions I might have on this issue stop going around saying the devil is a liar? Thank you very much.
These slogan peddlers cannot be divorced from those who keep repeating the lie that light-skinned people are more beautiful than those of a darker hue.
We scratched the veneer on that thorny issue last week but let us go deep into it now.
Is it true that people, especially women, who are light in complexion, are more beautiful than those who are chocolate skinned or somewhere next to polish-black in complexion?
Aren’t those who say that the liars?
I understand the term Yellow Bone was created as a slang word by the so-called African Americans. Down south, it has been made popular by ghetto boys from the dusty streets of creative South Africa.
These are the same ghetto boys who are always coining new words, phrases and even entire sentences have a new phrase to describe light-skinned women. They call them Yellow Bones.
These are the same pantsulas who coined words like ‘i-cherry,” ‘i-maidee,’ ‘theken’ (probably from taken) and ‘frau’ to describe the so-called fairer sex.
They have other words like, ‘grand,’ ‘stina’ and ‘sgodo’ to describe such a simple word as ‘thousand’.
So, if you hear them talk about ‘30-sgodo,’ quietly call 999 – they are probably planning some armed robbery of sorts. Where would they, with their dirty All Star sneakers and brown Dickies two-piece suits get E30 000 from?
The tragedy is that these very same guys set the trends.
Even the suburban dwellers, known as ‘bo-Cheese,’ admire them.
In fact, the ghetto boys are the very same people who coined the phrase ‘Cheese-boy’ and ‘Cheese-girl.’
They are so named because in their parents’ large refrigerators, cheese is never in short supply.
They eat if for breakfast, lunch and supper. Yes, it is possible to have cheese in all your meals, without putting slices of it in your sandwich all the time.
Those of us from one-room flats and stick-and-mud huts in the countryside can never understand this but in the suburbs, there are various kinds of cheese.
I will not list them here, lest I make a mistake in the spellings and become a laughing stock all around town. The phrase ‘Yellow Bone’ cannot be used by other races. That is considered offensive.
However, African women love it – and we all know that once women love something, it will spread like an unfounded rumour on Facebook.
Women now identified as ‘Yellow Bone’ include – but are not limited to - Africans who were born light in complexion and coloureds who, obviously, are of the same tinge. Somehow, whites do not qualify.
I heard recently that Hunter Shongwe was looking for his own Yellow Bone. He is prepared to go as far as Russia for it. The sleuth is sick and tired of Swazi women, who have apparently come to the conclusion that being faithful is ‘so 1980s.’
They prefer having at least a minimum of two lovers at a time – in this day and age.
As soon as his Yellow Bone gets here, Hunter will be the talk of the town.
Guys at corner butcheries, car-wash bays and One Price stores will watch the couple stroll past and say, “Ubambe litsambo lakhashane, i-Yellow Bone, mbamba.” (He is with the original Yellow Bone from overseas).
It is rather unfortunate that women are taking this the wrong way completely.
I heard one of them in a kombi recently say she had low self-esteem because of her skin colour. She was a warm chocolate brown. I liked her.
She reminded me of one Alek Wek. In fact, she was a prettier version of Alek, the African supermodel who has made millions of dollars by just being herself.
I have also heard – I think I listen too much to people’s conversations – that skin-lightening creams are flying off the shelves at pharmacies, with women using them to qualify for the title of Miss Yellow Bone 2013/14 or whatever.
South African singer Mshoza and Kelly Khumalo are unfortunate victims of this crazy craze.
They have changed their skin colour to that which Michael Jackson bought with millions of US dollars but died a sad and lonely man.
My friends and I agree, however, that there are more beautiful women with darker skin than those who are light in complexion. Besides, darker women have various other advantages, which cannot be mentioned here because this is a family newspaper.
Suffice to say I am intermittently winking as I write this. You are free to wink back.
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