One of these days, we will all get old. For many old people, age comes with conditions that challenge even the strongest among us. I came across this very fascinating article on social media, as part of the Alzheimer’s Awareness campaign and I just felt more people should know about it.
My mother has early-stage dementia and I felt the pain one day when she could not recognise me. I realised that it was on and off and that she was very good at hiding it. She was very polite and said to me, ‘yebo Nkhosi’. The condition is Alzheimer’s, which is a specific brain disease that is the most common in the elderly, causing dementia.
I aim to put myself in the shoes of the old man or woman, as the senior who suffers from this condition and would like to say something to their relatives on their behalf.
If years from now, I happen to get dementia, I’d ask anyone to find this article and send it to all my children. I want them to remember these things.
My family to embrace my reality
Please, my family, embrace my condition and help me. Every time you enter the room, announce yourself: ‘Hi Mnguni- it’s Linda, your daughter, how are you this morning’?
Please never ask: ‘Do you know who I am?’ That causes me a lot of anxiety. Please don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events or places. Take a deep breath.
It’s not my fault. If I think my father is still alive and you know he passed away years ago, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things.
It will cost you nothing. I’ll be much happier for it. I have dementia, so please don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you. I have dementia and I am not sure who you are. Do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.
Do not treat me like a child
I have dementia, but I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am. Remember, I brought you up. If I can no longer use eating utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, cut the food into bite-sized pieces or use a spoon or drinking straw and see if I can still feed myself.
When I get sad or anxious, hold my hand and just listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded, but show understanding, as I process my feelings.
Also, remember I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed and am entitled to be anxious. Help me find a way to exercise, read and visit with friends.
Treat me like a normal Adult person
I have dementia, but treat me normally, ask me to tell you a story from my past and discuss serious, meaningful matters with me, even if it means challenging my mind. It’s OK, I will not break.
However, don’t argue with me. When I become agitated, please take the time to figure out what is bothering me. Basically, I may have dementia, but treat me the way that you would want to be treated. With respect.
Please provide plenty of snacks for me
I have dementia, so please make sure that there are plenty of snacks in the house. If I don’t eat, I get angry and since I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need. Don’t get frustrated and start talking about me as if I’m not in the room.
Loss of bowel movements and bladder control
Please note that my Alzheimer’s and dementia have led to changes in my bowel movements, including constipation, diarrhoea and incontinence, due to the disease affecting my brain’s ability to process signals and control physical functions.
Other contributing factors include dehydration, medication side effects, reduced my mobility and difficulty with cognitive tasks like recognising the need to go to the bathroom, finding the toilet, or managing my clothing. This is the most difficult part of my daily management. Please help me find suitable diapers and other management tools that can assist me.
There are some favourite clothes that I like, please wash them for me regularly. I might even insist on wearing the same favourite clothes, even when there are others. Please keep them clean for me as much as possible.
Don’t feel guilty, but do your best
I have dementia and it’s not your fault. Don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s not your fault and you’ve done your best.
Find someone who can help you, care for me, or choose a great new place for me to live in safety. If you have to leave me in a dementia care community, please visit me often, even though I might not remember you.
Please, make sure I always have my favourite music playing or radio or a TV with my favourite shows. Provide reading materials, maybe magazines with great pictures, but ask me which topics I like.
Help with my gardening or my painting or any of my hobbies. Don’t get mad at me, I have dementia and I like to pick up items and carry them around. Help me return those items to their original place.
Finally, don’t exclude me
Finally, I know I have dementia, but please, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings. Allow me to relive fun times and create memories, even if they will disappear like smoke within a short time.
However, dress me up well with clean clothes and please do explain to other relatives and friends about my condition without making them feel pity for me.
Tell them what I am telling you not to do, know. I may have dementia, but I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.
Remember that I am still the person you know and love.
In honour of all those I know and love, who lost loved ones and those who are fighting Dementia/Alzheimer’s. comment septembereswatini@gmail.com
For many old people, age comes with conditions that challenge even the strongest among us. I came across this very fascinating article on social media, as part of the Alzheimer’s Awareness campaign and I just felt more people should know about it. (Pic: UVA School of Nursing)