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IDLALA KAMNANDZI!

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(Guest writer)

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Au’suge endleleni jobe Au’suge endleleni jobe
Au’suge endleleni jobe Au’suge endleleni jobe
Au’suge endleleni jobe Wenzani uJobe,
Udlala kamnandi Wenzani uJobe, Ebathi hayi
Uniga kamnadi Wenzani uJobe, Udlala kamnandi Wenzani uJobe,
Ebathi hayi Uniga kamnadi Wenzani uJobe,
Udlala kamnandi Wenzani uJobe,
Ebathi hayi Uniga kamnadi Wenzani uJobe,
Udlala kamnandi Wenzani uJobe, Ebathi hayi
Uniga kamnadi Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi
Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi
Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi
Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi
Jobe, jobe udlala kamnandi Au’suge endleleni jobe
Yebo Yes....exit the Shwashwaza Sports Crew, enter Gertrude Sigudla simomondiya sasebhawini...singena nga-Jobe udlala kamnandi because as you know by now, this is the new slogan for the EswatiniBank Cup yeludvumo. Let me make it clear from the onset. It’s not just that I love this song ya-Jobe London featuring Mphow69 and Kamo Manje lebeshisa tikhotsa last year, but kudos to whosoever thought of the idea of the song and linked it with the tournament as its slogan. Brilliant stuff!


Thanks to the absence of my boss at work, I was able to steal those few hours from my place of work at the Corporate world to attend the launch as per instructions from Umlangeni. This time Umlangeni did not waste time wavele wa e-maila le invite instead of kuletsa nge-envelope.

Wow! Sesiyangena ke nyalo leku-2022 kuleliphupho leMlisa if sesihamba ngalolunyawo. Phela it’s been a while ngagcina ku-attender football events because most of the prize presentations are no longer held. Kwacala kwaba ma presentations emvakwendlu...sisho lekuma bedroom...er boardroom, then lately besevele bakhiphe ipress release bafake timali straight to the accounts of the various winners. Cha akusajabulisi bekunene. So when I received the invite on my email last week I was ecstatic vele. I quickly made my way to Nelson Mandela Square le-Sandton to pick a figure-hugging red dress coupled with my Christian Louboutini shoes (yes that’s the level I am at guys!) and akusiyo leyase small street shem like the many slay queens alakhaya who are embarrassing us with their fake Gucci’s, LV’s especially the belts and bags. Ngeke uphatse i-LV bag bese uyoshona e-bus rank. It doesn’t add up xem bo-girl. 


Enough about ema-slay queens, this article is about the wonderful EswatiniBank Cup 2020 launch event I attended. Of course, since ke I am the one privileged to attend such events, labafana be-Shwashwaza took a day off this week and the way bebanatsa ngayo especially ngale-Valentine itolo you would have been forgiven for thinking kutsi lo-Valentine bacabanga kutsi it’s Christmas. I thought as much phela when one of the naughty boys actually sent me a message to say: “Hello Sisi Gert, Gert, Happy Valentine....lena yi-birthday yema-slay queens!”
Klikliklikliklikli...anyway, I was there very early on ku-launch and wow, what an event. I missed the previous one phela last year and then attended leyale-EswatiniTelecom Charity Cup. Well, nakhona the standard besenyukile but waiting for three hours for an event to start is not my cup of Cappuccino.
So I was pleasantly chuffed ke when the event started at least 35 minutes after the scheduled time sa 11am. This is what I saw and heard before the scrumptious lunch got me swinging on my Christian Louboutini like it was a Friday night. Enjoy your reading.

THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES, SIFISO MDLULI


Luckily I know Sifiso Mdluli, who works for EswatiniBank, from the gym. We go to the same gym even though he probably doesn’t know me and also used to run naye kulama marathon as a member of the Golden Foot khona la-Mbabane. Fit as a fiddle, I never thought he could crack some good jokes. I have always thought he was shy but he kept me giggling. I seriously wouldn’t mind taking him home so that he can make me laugh all night long if he is not taken already.
I don’t date married men by the way. I am not desperate phela. Mr. Six-pack, what about a night of laughter in my apartment? Gagagaga...

THE DRESS CODE:


Thanks to the fact that the event was held on a Tuesday as most people were at work – the attendees were smartly dressed. Saw Umlangeni nanaye dressed like an American rap star. LV sneakers, G-star jeans, Lacoste T-shirt and Armani navy blue blazer. He was solid gold. His entire dress effort is always undermined by le-One Pack yakhe Umlangeni. Lesisu ngatsi lithuna lemntfwana is not good. When are you hitting the gym ye-Dlamini? If the gym can handle him, that is! Yehheni...


You cannot walk around like you have swallowed a whole cow ye-Kosh! Please do something. It was also refreshing to see the Mbabane Highlanders boss Ally Kgomongwe wearing something different. Unlike the jealous sports editors of the two newspapers mine I am in love with his hairstyle. Keep it that way wena Great Ally! That’s what I call SWAG in my books.


I also smiled seeing the Premier League of Eswatini (PLE) COO Pat Vilakati in a suit that fitted him well kungadzingeke kutsi abeke lelibhuluko on his stomach. I am told it’s a new staff uniform leka-PLE. Cha mahle xem lamasudu. Big ups PLE!
To all those who tried to dress the part, that’s the way it is supposed to be hhayi lokugcoka ngatsi niya esitolo...

THE SPEECHES:


EswatiniBank MD, Zakhele Lukhele
Soft-as-silk, the EswatiniBank MD Zakhele Lukhele delivered a good speech which touched on the various issues regarding the sponsorship and I was particularly happy that the teams will be receiving labo-E10 000 before the tournament starts. You can imagine what this means for my favourite team, Louis XIV never mind TP Mazembe (not the one yase-DR Congo but yalena ekhaya kitsi e-Shiselweni!). Thanks MD for the kind gesture. I-EswatiniBank is indeed a bank with a big heart and yes, idlala kamnandzi!


Eswatini Football Association (EFA) president Adam ‘Bomber’ Mthethwa
Eswatini Football Association (EFA) president is a good public speaker who can speak the sun to sleep while you gasp for thin air. I have always thought Nyambose and Umlangeni (the Times of Eswatini Sports Editor) got along very well because Umlangeni hardly criticises Nyambose even though I personally think he has run out of ideas to take our football forward. My growing fears were confirmed when Nyambose opened his speech by stating that when he came in ucale ngekuvusela Lwazi and then tasked Umlangeni to greet the rest of the sports journalists at his table. I was shocked that he even hinted that Lwazi always tells him that ‘he has overstayed his welcome’.

Thanks Nkhosi for taking words out of my mouth. I share the same sentiments and probably many other people out there. Unfortunately, we all don’t cast a vote during the EFA elections. Thanks Nyambose for giving the regional teams a challenge of qualifying for the CAF Confederation Cup by winning the EswatiniBank Cup.

Minister of Sports, Culture and Youth Affairs Harries ‘Madze’ Bulunga
I almost went straight to the podium to give our minister a hug. He is a very strong man especially after the not-so-flattering headlines in the start of the new year. Again, his commitment in leaving an ongoing Cabinet meeting to attend the event was commendable. Thank you Bhakaniya. Phela as you know I support that team Umlangeni likes to say ‘it gives him more joy and pain than any woman ever could’. The Minister is also a big fan of the Soweto Buccaneers as his posts on all social media platforms reflect. It was also commendable that the minister’s plea last year of having the sponsor give the teams le-participation fee before the start of the tournament was heeded. Thanks Bhakaniya for raising it. That’s what we call IMPACT in the corporate world tsine. Very good speech. The rapport between the minister and his communications officer Sibongiseni ‘Teko’ Zondi (I don’t know why he calls himself TEKO because I doubt he can trap a ball to save his life!) is evident. They are on the same page. Good speech, minister. Once & Always since 1937...

THE REFRESHMENTS & MUSIC:
The music was okay but I can’t be listening to Jazz on a Tuesday morning.
So no comment on that one but generally the food was scrumptious. The starter was fine and the main meal was yummy. Truly enjoyed the dessert. On all fronts – EswatiniBank IDLALA KAMNANDZI!!!
Until another proper invitation lands on my e-mail, I am outta here...Nazooooooooooooooo.

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