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FEMALE SOLDIER REPORTED FOR ABUSING HUBBY

29/11/2021 08:07:00 BY DELISA THWALA

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MBABANE – A female soldier has been reported to SWAGAA for sexually abusing her husband.

SWAGAA is an acronym for Eswatini Action Group Against Abuse. This revelation comes at a time when the country is commemorating the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence. *Thabo and his wife are both members of the Umbutfo Eswatini Defence Force (UEDF). Thabo’s mother informed this publication that her daughter-in-law did not only abuse her son sexually but also emotionally, physically and financially. Thabo is in his late 20s while his wife,*Mbali, is aged 47 years and they were married in 2018 and trouble between the couple started after they got married. He is alleged to have discovered after they were married that his wife had four children. Mbali is accused of hitting her husband in front the children. This was revealed by Thabo’s mother to this publication in an interview.

Abused

“This woman hid things from my son and further abused him. She would beat up my son in front of the children and I would sometimes see bruises on his body and face,” alleged the mother. Thabo was present when his sobbing mother, *Make Khumalo, gave the interview. He told this publication that it was difficult for him to speak about the issue. “Eish! I do not want to speak about this now, I think you have heard everything from my mother, I do not want to say anything further. I’m not okay because of this matter,” said Thabo when asked about the matter. His mother said it had been difficult for her to go about her daily life knowing that her son was going through abuse and the perpetrator was allegedly his wife.

“My son cannot even bring himself to talk about this because it is a very difficult topic for him. I also feel helpless as his mother because for the longest time, I have watched my son being abused by this woman,” alleged Make Khumalo. Thabo’s mother became even more emotional when she narrated that her son also suffered sexual abuse allegedly perpetrated by Mbali. She said Thabo informed her that Mbali would sometimes force herself on him and make him perform lewd acts of a sexual nature. He is said to have also told his mother that the sexual activities left him physically and emotionally drained.

Make Khumalo also said Thabo tried to report the matter at his place of employment but met challenges. “She uses her power and connections to threaten the whole family, sometimes she would promise to shoot my son and the rest of the family and is never shy to remind him that she is very well connected,” alleged the distraught mother.

Stabbing

Mbali is the soldier who is also accused of stabbing her father-in-law, who is a police officer, and further damaged her husband’s car. The Siteki Magistrates Court issued a court order against her, directing her to return her husband’s clothes and work tools that were in her possession. According to Make Khumalo, Thabo was escorted by three police officers to his wife’s place where she finally gave him his clothes back. Chief Police Information and Communications Officer Superintendent Phindile Vilakati confirmed the matter.

Meanwhile, when Thabo’s father was interviewed, he said speaking to the media would put him in danger as he had become a target. He said speaking to this publication last Tuesday had put him in danger because people who read the article assumed that he was saying the matter had been dealt with when that was not the case. Still sceptical to speak, he said he was aware of the implications abuse had, especially with the Sexual Offences and Domestic Violence (SODV) Act in place. “I do not know what to say to you anymore because every time I speak, I become a target. This is no longer a family matter but it is of public interest,” he said. In addition, he said the matter would be dealt with and justice would be served to the family and Thabo.

Informed

Meanwhile, UEDF Public Relations Officer Lieutenant Tengetile Khumalo said they had not been formally informed about the matter. She also said the defence force did not take issues of gender-based violence (GBV) lightly. “The UEDF public affairs office wishes to state that issues of GBV, among others, are critical and, therefore, sensitised in every possible way to all personnel. On the second question, nothing has been reported to the defence force to that effect. One would advise that you contact the rightful law enforcement agency: the REPS,” said Khumalo. When further questioned if the UEDF staff received proper sensitisation on GBV-related matters and how often they were taught, she did not respond.

Previously, Superintendent Phindile Vilakati said they were aware of the matter but pointed out that it had not been recorded. Vilakati was quoted saying they did not confirm cases that were not formally registered with them, such as this case, and the family had requested to solve it at family level. SWAGAA Director Nonhlanhla Dlamini confirmed that a number of cases of abuse had been reported by Thabo and his mother. Some of the cases were allegations of abuse by Mbali to the children and some to her husband. Dlamini said they came across challenges when trying to deal with the cases. “Even though I was not the case manager, I know the case you are speaking about and we have someone who was handling it before there were some problems with it,” said Dlamini. She also mentioned that abuse on men was common than people thought, especially in Eswatini.

Report

“Some men choose not to report abuse because they fear being laughed at and deemed weak. We have plenty cases of abuse where men are abused. It is true that it is happening in the country,” said Dlamini. Kwakha Indvodza Advocacy and Communications Officer Sakhile Shabangu said the idea that ‘men do not cry’ had to be done away with because it led to a number of men not voicing out abuse. Shabangu said abuse among men was swept under the rug because men were deemed weak if they spoke out. “The stereotype that men do not get abused and that they are always strong should end completely. Men are human beings too and unfortunately they get abused, you should wonder how many cases go unreported because men fear being labelled weak,” said Shabangu.

Clinical Psychologist Innocentia Ndwandwe said men could also be victims of sexual abuse as well, although society saw sexual assault as predominantly a crime against women. She said men were sexually assaulted too. “Stereotypes that tie masculinity to sex can make it difficult to separate the sex act from the crime of sexual assault. Sexual assault is equally devastating to men and women. Regardless of gender identity, victims and survivors commonly feel rage, shame, guilt, powerlessness, fear for your safety and physical suffering,” said the psychologist.

She also said if one was sexually assaulted by a man, it was critical to recognise that the person was a victim and survivor of a violent assault – no matter what it may look like. “Consent to sexual activity must be expressly given by a man and the same applies for a woman. Not wanting to engage does not make someone less of a man,” she said.