BRANDED AS WESTERNISED PARIAH

 Sir,

The dating culture in the country has a long history that is closely related to the history of marriage in the kingdom. Many people are marrying interracially as well and because of this the dating culture has become a collection of cultures, customs, traditions and evolving expectations.

Traditionally, a man approaches a woman, and she is expected to say ‘no’ whether she means it or not, during this time the guy will persevere, push and persist that the girl agrees to a relationship with him.

This is because men are constantly under the notion that when a woman says no, she means yes. This is where abuse spurts from, the credence that women’s actions mean the opposite of what they are intended for. Things take a U-turn the moment the girl falls for his charms.

He then starts demanding time, sexual intimacy and favours; he wants the girl to do his laundry and clean his house, cook for him, do grocery shopping for him, basically he wants her to ‘submit’, mind you, these people are still dating. Before he met her, who was doing all these things for him?
Abuse can take other forms than physical abuse. Some women who are being abused feel like ‘it is okay if he doesn’t beat me, any other feeling of suppression is tolerable. He is my baby-daddy after all, it’s not like I have a choice, I just have to submit.’

We always wonder why religions, with the help of our culture, promote the concept of female submission. Since it is acknowledged that men had a sole input and responsibility for writing these ancient texts and ensuring continuity of tradition, would one not be suspicious that men might set themselves up to be in control and promote the part of tradition that is favourable for them?

The structure of our dating and courtship world has changed, yet men still cling to the concept of female submission.
Submission
Men still believe that submission by women is the number one requirement for a happy relationship and when a man wants this, what is it that he is expecting to have to happen? And what does he give in return?

The men who trumpet female submission and abuse are doing so to not only perpetuate and preserve ancient, patriarchal values, that are essentially obsolete and absolutely unnecessary at this time and age, which are heavily exacerbated religiously, but also feed their primordial egos with a self-satisfactory sense of domination, control and leadership.

In short, it’s an alpha mentality which places defying, unquestioning emphasis and ‘power’ on men and has no leeway or room for the consideration of women.
Unfortunately, societies for centuries, as with any other habit, have rendered their people that way, so it will take another long length of time for attitudes to truly change and there to be an open, flowing relationship of mutuality and equality.

The thing we find funny with such men though, is that should a woman dare request equality in a relationship, that woman is vilified and branded as a ‘westernised’ pariah, yet those very same men are relying on westernised religion themselves to justify their ideals.

Do these men treat us this way because they are the ‘providers’ in the relationship? It could be true that men assume power over women because women have always sought protection from men, and therefore they take advantage of this privilege to ensure constant fulfilment of their need for supremacy.

Nokuthula

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