GRIEF CAN BE OVERWHELMING

Sir,

I am up to a point where I don’t understand what’s happening in this world. Is it two-faced now or what? Is it tired of us punching and stepping on it like we are defeating the devil? What’s happening?

It seems like the world is more than ready to swallow us all at once. I am asking myself if it’s nearing the end of times or if we are already there. Yes, we aren’t here to stay, we are meant to breathe and then leave this world.
Losing a mother, father, sister, friend or anyone close to you is always a drain, especially if it’s a soul that was close to you beyond measure.
But by the time you receive news that a friend of a friend has passed on, you are like ‘ahh, it’s normal, we will all die anyway.’ The truth is that we can all make plans about an event and shop for it with joy in the depths of our hearts but may end up not making it to the event, it’s life.

The way things are happening, I sometimes wonder how losing life feels like. Does the soul just switch off like that or there’s a paradise entrance you see before you get to close your eyes, what happens?

The truth of the matter is that we never fully understand how painful it is up until we get a knock on the door, and that is normal.
It may take you a long time to grasp what has happened.

The shock can make you numb, and some people at first carry on as if nothing has happened.
It is hard to believe that someone important is not coming back. Many people feel disorientated, as if they have lost their place and purpose in life or are living in a different world. Feelings of pain and distress following bereavement can be overwhelming and very frightening.

Angry

Sometimes bereaved people can feel angry. This anger is a completely natural emotion, typical of the grieving process.
Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when you feel someone has died before their time or when you had plans for the future together. We may also feel angry towards the person who has died, or angry at ourselves for things we did or didn’t do or say to the person before their death.

Guilt is another common reaction. People who have lost someone close often say they feel directly or indirectly to blame for the person’s death. You may also feel guilty if you had a difficult or confusing relationship with the person who has died, or if you feel you didn’t do enough to help them when they were alive.

Depression

Many bereaved people experience feelings of depression following the death of someone close. Life can feel like it no longer holds any meaning and some people say they too want to die.

Thinking you are hearing or seeing someone who has died is a common experience and it can happen when you least expect it. You may find that you can’t stop thinking about the events leading up to the death. ‘Seeing’ the person who has died and hearing their voice can happen because the brain is trying to process the death and acknowledge the finality of it.

One of the hardest things to face when we are bereaved is the way other people react towards us. They often do not know what to say or how to respond to our loss.

Because they don’t know what to say or are worried about saying the wrong things, people avoid those who have lost someone. This is hard for us because we may well want to talk about the person who has died. It can become, especially, hard as time goes on and other people’s memories of the person who has died fade.

Nkosingiphile Ntshalintshali

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