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A thought crossed my mind that maybe people cohabitate because they believe it is progress towards marriage. When people profess their undying love for each other, their relationship passes certain tests and stages and they reach a part where they feel they are a solid couple.

Few studies I have read state that you can only confidently say you know someone when you’ve dated for at least three years. This means that if you’ve been with someone for less than 36 months, you only know ‘what’ they are, not ‘who’ they are. This, too, seems to sell the idea that moving in together is good.

 Therefore, some people feel being cohabitants gives you the opportunity to discover all the good and bad habits of your future husband or wife because it is rather not possible to discover more about him/her just by weekend visits. As a woman, you’ll weigh if you’ll tolerate his socks lying around, watching soccer with him because you don’t want him to go out drinking on weekends and sometimes putting up with his busy work schedule. On the part of the man, you’ll establish if you’ll put up with her poor culinary skills, nagging, asking for money to do her hair and nails from you yet she also gets paid.

On the other hand, maybe cohabitation is a bad idea because once you declare yourselves a steady couple, condom use ceases to exist. I don’t know where the sudden faith comes from; that your partner is free of any STIs even though both of you never took any health tests. And from there, people unfortunately fall into calamities.

I also know of women who move in with their boyfriends with the idea of sharing costs when in essence that is a smartly calculated move. Here’s the thing, when she moves in with you, it means she has done the math; that you’ll pay rent, buy food, pamper her, etc. In essence, you will take care of all the bills.

If you subscribe to the notion that life is based on law and ethics, you’ll concur that it is both morally unacceptable and unconstitutional for two people to stay together unless they’re married. You can use yourself as a litmus paper and see the consequential results of moving in with your partner before you’re married or uphold the biblically and socially acceptable norms of doing things the correct way.

P Nhlangano


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