BEING ROCK BOTTOM

Sir,

Unlike many when my life was not going as planned, I decided to immediately do something about it.  I felt there were irreconcilable differences in my marriage. 

At the time I was a Lubombo deputy sheriff and acting deputy sheriff for the country, but attorneys were not paying me although I felt they were using me to fight their wars and those of their clients. The secretarial school was not doing as well as it had in the past as numerous secretarial schools had sprung up all over the country, which schools did not and still do not teach everything I taught.

So I resigned as a deputy sheriff, signed a separation agreement, moved out of my marital home and closed the secretarial school all at the same time. I was feeling guilty about my gambling addiction, so I gave that up too. I moved into a flat and everything in my life was new. I even gave up organised religion for it seemed God had evaded me.

I had no agenda for the day unlike in the past where I had so much to do. I felt totally lost and fear came to the fore. Had I made the right decisions? How would I support myself and my foster children? 
It did not help to talk to family members as they threw it in my face that this was my choice.

Men offered me money because they wanted to bed me and I felt totally worthless. I even sought the help of a psychologist. Newspapers followed my divorce; everyone in town seemed to know everything about my life. All my friends save for one deserted me. My cousin ensured she dropped by daily bringing some cooked food to ensure I ate. My friend and cousin had to coax me into bathing and getting dressed. I had given up; I had no hope for the future.

Eventually I decided to build in an area where no one knew me and my brother’s purchased boots and a two-piece overall for me to adorn before I could build. I paid a gentleman to make blocks and I later purchased a block making machine so that I too could do something instead of just being an observer.

Never having handled a spade in my life, I had to learn and that kept me busy throughout the day. I who had so much self confidence now lacked it. My biggest mistake was comparing myself to others.
When I looked back some six months had passed and I had created myself a new life. As I focused on building, work started coming in and I found the God within me.

Whatever you may be going through realise that that too shall come to pass. Time has an amazing way of healing one.
One has to embrace where one is, one has to face one’s fears and deal with them in totality. Avoidance will only take one down a depressing road. No stone can be left unturned. We come out better people on the other side. We create ourselves as we would like to be. If I could do it, you too can do it!

(Comments: My FB page; www.inalda.co.sz; inaldathegreat@gmail.com)
Inalda Jorge-Antonio

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