Fighting to protect the world from democracy!

I almost did not write this letter because I do not know anybody who actually votes - and then I realised that the people I do know are normally unable to speak on voting day, let alone stand in line and make rational decisions.

Or, perhaps, irrational decisions, judging by our last crop of Members of Parliament. Never mind.

I write to advise you to love and respect our unique political system of direct representation by individuals, as opposed to political parties.

Democracy is not all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, look at South Africa. Poor Nelson Mandela spent a good chunk of his adult life in tronk, fighting for democracy so that people, all people, could choose exactly what they want. And what did they do with Mandela’s hard-fought democracy? They chose Zuma. Need I say more?

Democracy, in the wrong hands, is dangerous and I will protect you from the evils of democracy to the last drop of my blood. Okay, maybe not that far. Actually, I will not have to protect you at all, because we have super-patriots in this country who recognise the slippery slope that democracy is. Men such as Reverend Alpheus Nxumalo, who doubles as a top executive in a prominent newspaper in his spare time.

That man is so patriotic, I’m sure his ringtone is the National Anthem and his pillow is the flag. I digress.

Pastor Nxumalo also writes. I missed his last article but it was commented upon by wounded members of the Fourth Estate, whom he accuses of being anti the status quo in Swaziland and pro the pro-democracy groups; and says they are paid to give these forces a platform as part of the greater scheme of making the country ungovernable.

There I differ with him - that’s the government’s job and they are doing it very well.

Other than that small point of departure, though, I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Reverend Nxumalo, aka Captain Swaziland, against these pro-democracy forces. In his article, Reverend Nxumalo quotes with approval none other than FW de Klerk in a rousing speech he gave, trying to protect the then-racist National Party against the pro-democracy groups in South Africa.

The smarty-pants kids in the Crew say that the irony is lost on the Reverend. Well, who needs irony? I, for one, am looking forward to reading more of Captain Swaziland’s articles; perhaps he can quote more great men in his defence of our equally great Nation. Perhaps a little Idi Amin or maybe Baby Doc Duvalier, men who fought to protect their people from multiparty democracy.

As always, I digress.

The reason I write to you voters, all five of you, is to remind you that it’s a voting year and you were told before the last elections to vote wisely - but you didn’t listen, so I won’t bother telling you again.

All the current Members of Parliament want to go back. Who wouldn’t, since the alternative (getting a real job)is too ghastly to contemplate.

I, too, want them to be voted back in. Let’s keep them off the streets! But best of all, let’s make sure that our Minister of Finance goes back in.

I saw him in the newspaper hailing our financial recovery. "Recovery?" the kids in the Crew ask me,"the operation was a success, Majozi, but the patient died", they say. I have no idea what they mean. They point out that the loot Majozi is talking about is mostly due to a E7.5 billion gift from the South African Customs Union. They say it’s like giving a blood transfusion to a skeleton and that it will simply seep into the ground.

Nonsense, the man is doing a wonderful job! So, dear voters, stop complaining about the limitations of our system. I am here to protect you from yourselves.

As long as super-patriots like Reverend Nxumalo and I exist, you’ll never be burdened with the difficult choice of choosing an effective government!

When you’re finished voting, you know where to find me.

Post your comment

Your name:

Your e-mail address:

Add your comments:

Please enter the code you see in the image:

Image:

Code: