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I have come to realise that love is not a game but one of the most powerful emotions given to mankind, and sex is simply dangerous.

We have seen a rise in crimes of passion simply because men think that love is a game. Let us take some time to talk man to man about how we can understand the causes of crimes of passion. It was in this very publication, only last week, that a headline read; ‘Man kills ex, attempts suicide’. Generally speaking, women have been the victims. As the story went; he had an argument with his ex-wife along a public road and lost it, and in plain view of the public he stabbed her four times in the neck and chest. He was temporarily insane because of love one would guess. We need to try to understand the drivers of crimes of passion if we are to train our young boys.

Control your thoughts

A real man has absolute control of his mind and body. Some thoughts should never be allowed to linger in a man’s mind. I am talking about real men. We have weak men who have sexual intercourse with their secretaries, coworkers, house helpers, young boys, wives and relatives, including their daughters just because they cannot control their thoughts. There are thoughts that creap into a man’s mind, which are very dangerous and must not be given the slightest chance to fester and grow. If you see the body of your relative or maid, and a sexual thought creaps into your mind, a real man slaps his face and mentally shuts it down; period! He blocks that thought immediately and channels his thoughts to anything else. He does not play around with it in his mind because he knows just how dangerous it is. If he is a Christian, he will shout, get behind me satan (John 10: 10).  

Mind and body control is critical even when drunk. If you allow a thought to fester for more than a millisecond in your mind, you will lose control. Kill it while it is small, don’t allow it to grow. I don’t care if you are a PhD scholar, a bishop or an ordinary man, it will control you. You can ask a well-respected certain army general who lost his career and respect because of sex. If you control it once successfully, the second and third times will be easier. Cultivate self-control, slowly, again and again, and it will become your habit and soon your character. Once it is your character, you have control. Do it casually and deliberately. We need more mentally disciplined men with strong characters in Eswatini.

Five ways destruction comes in

1) Gold diggers. A man falls head over heels in love for a woman (in many cases a younger woman) who does not return that love. However, the woman strings him along for her benefit. The woman can abuse the man deliberately or under the pressures of her lifestyle. The man will be abused to the extent of apologising for things he did not do just to keep her. Love-struck, he will pay for and do anything she demands but she never returns that love. In this category, powerful men, including men of God and politicians, have been blackmailed and destroyed. And then a crime of passion occurs.

2) Players who use women. A woman falls head over heels in love with a player. The young lady gets a fake love proposal from a player who plays with love and sex. Naïve she does not want money from the man but love. After giving all she has and many nights of passion, he decides to break it off as he engages to marry someone else or return to his wife. One such lady lost her mind and stabbed a player once with a screwdriver in the heart. She is now serving jail time.

3) Both in love but wrong love. The man and young lady fall crazily in love. This crazy scenario finds a grown adult man leaving his big house and family to live ‘emkhukhwini’ with his new lover. When the elders of the family ask him why, he simply tells them he is in love. Some men strip their first family for a newly found love. Men, please don’t play with love,  your children will look at the pain of their mother and grow up bitter and angry at you and everyone. And because of this, they are primed to kill. Polygamy falls under this scenario, however, some men can remain faithful to their many families and not be blinded by onesided love. We commend them but polygamy is not cheap, emotionally and financially.

4) Consensual but unwanted sex. A man forces a woman to have consensual but unwanted sexual intercourse. Uncontrolled minds take advantage of positions of power to abuse a weaker victim using money, blackmail or authoritative advantage, forgetting that the circumstances will change with time. The young girl/boy will grow up and remember the abuse. How will they look at you? Such victims have killed their abusers or become abusers themselves.  

5) Mutual consensual sex, with bad consequences. They both enjoy consensual passion with no love or strings attached. ‘Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am’, as the English say. This may look like the ideal scenario for a lot of men and women out there, but it is just as dangerous as the top four.

We are dealing with the devil and he will not just allow anyone to enjoy stolen promiscuous sex without consequences. Infidelity done across the world can show up to a loving wife or husband years later and seem like yesterday. Fits of jealousy from spouses have caused crimes of passion. Sometimes eligitamite children can pop up and destroy a happy family and the life of that innocent child is torn apart. Growing up as a mistake is painful. Marriage, starting a family and remaining faithful is hard these days. A lot of tolerance, self-control and forgiveness are required from real men. Temptations are everywhere as women are beautiful and too many of them are willing. Being a player is extremely dangerous nowadays; far too many children are being brought up by single hurting parents, especially single mothers. This produces children lacking a father figure, and grow up with distorted emotions like excessive anger, bitterness, lacking discipline and no self-control. Their future relationships are almost always turbulent with emotional extremes. Comment septembereswatini@gmail.com

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