NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS

 I love the enthusiasm people have at the beginning of each year; in fact, the feeling is like that of being given a second chance in life. People at this time of the year are buzzing with energy and plotting meaningful changes in their lives. Past failures are locked in the past and the future is viewed with renewed determination of success. It is a time to dream again, to believe again and envision again.

This wind of renewed energy, if channeled in the right direction, can have meaningful results and lead to positive changes. I wish to challenge married couples to look intently into their marriages and perhaps come up with resolutions and areas they need to improve in their marriage. My plea is that you do not let this new dawn of hope bypass you and your marriage. I know there are areas in your marriage and family life you can resolve to invest in and work harder to improve in 2020.

Highlight

Allow me to highlight a few pointers that can improve the health of your marriage. These need not be massive things, but simple and well-defined goals can make a big impact in the course of the year. Firstly, put limits to the use of your mobile phone this year, especially when you are with your spouse or family.

Today’s world has become so accustomed to mobile phones; however, their overuse can lead to greater dissatisfaction within our most important relationships. Excessive device usage acts as a barrier to quality communication, which leaves partners feeling ignored or unimportant. You could be attempting to share the highlights of your day with your partner, but they have their nose buried in their WhatsApp or Facebook feed; or you could be trying to relay a story about your injured son, but your partner is flipping through Instagram, counting the number of likes.

Designated screen time isn’t just for children; adults can benefit from setting some parameters, too. This year commit to unplugging for a set period of time each day, especially when in the presence of your spouse.

Better still, make a joint resolution, not just an individual one, to set a time limit on social media and phone use when you are together. Studies show that the overuse of mobile phones and social media has not only distorted family communication, but in most cases leads to depression. Do not get me wrong, I am not trying to demonize mobile phones, but their excessive use can negatively impact the health of your marriage.

You can set your own rules on how to use mobile phones, especially when together.
Resolve

Secondly, resolve to spend more quality time with your spouse. Just as you put doctors’ appointments and work meetings on your calendar, you should be just as intentional when it comes to making time for your partner. Making and spending time with your spouse is essential in facilitating understanding and syncing your heartbeats.

Couples who rarely spend time together, just to talk and share their desires, are often at odds with each other and find it difficult to connect emotionally. “Something as simple as trying out a new recipe or playing a board game can foster connectivity, improve communication skills and increase relationship satisfaction,” said Chicago-based therapist Anna Poss. Because this is a bonding time, both spouses must remove distractions and prioritise behaviors such as eye contact, touch and communication.

When was the last time you took a walk with your spouse? It does not cost much. Most can vividly recall taking endless walks during courtship. This year, you can connect with your spouse again by taking a stroll in the park, nearby river or mountain. Spending one-on-one time with your spouse is very important when it comes to keeping your relationship healthy and alive. From now on, make a priority to schedule time together with your spouse. It’s an investment that always pays back with increased happiness and well-being in your relationship and in your family.

Granted

Thirdly, resolve to be kinder to your spouse this year. It is possible to take each other for granted as the years go by and not treat your spouse with the kindness s/he deserves. Kindness is such an underrated virtue, yet can help bring harmony and enjoyment in the home. One way to show kindness to your spouse is to express your gratitude more often and in meaningful ways.

I challenge you to be more aware of the things your partner does to help you and your relationship thrive. Then let your partner know what it means to you and share your gratitude – do not be mute about it. Another way of showings kindness is doing random acts of kindness – you do not have to wait for special dates like birthdays, anniversaries and graduations to make your spouse feel special.

This year, resolve to be spontaneous and shower your partner with your kindness. Every day is a good day to make your partner feel loved and special. Resolve to show kindness to your spouse this year, even when s/he is being unkind towards you – you might just win him/her with your kindness.

My hope is that you have been inspired to set goals towards improving your marriage in 2020. And may I take this time to wish all readers of this article a happy and fulfilling new year. Send comments to adminsec@mbac.co.sz

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