THE MARRIAGE VOWS III

 THE spirit of the marriage vows binds the two people getting married for life and that is the essence of marriage, according to the Bible. Jesus, when being asked about divorce, responded by bringing-up the permanence of marriage.

In Mark 10: 9, Jesus says; “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” No one enters marriage thinking that this will not work. Most, if not all, enter marriage with a positive expectation that only death can separate them, hence the vows we exchange. I have already established that these vows are void of conditions and that each party, voluntarily and independent of the other, makes these solemn promises.

Those getting married must be conscious that they are entering an institution which binds them for life, regardless of what they meet in their life journey, because, as Dennis Kimbro says; “Life is 10 per cent what happens to us and 90 per cent how we react to it.” Often times our reaction does not link-up with what we solemnly promised on the day when we exchanged marriage vows.

Today, far too many couples get married for wrong reasons, like the falsehood of financial security if I marry this wealthy man or that well-to-do woman. Nothing in this world is predictable, we are living in the most volatile time in history; economically, politically and socially there is instability. What has worked yesterday is not guaranteed to work today.

It is therefore foolish and perhaps selfish for one to commit to his/her spouse solely because of the material possessions that spouse has. Your guess is as good as mine of what will become of that marriage should the possessions be lost. Some marriage vows therefore help us balance the scales that life has both sweet and bitter, smooth and rough, happy and sad, plenty and lack. It is how we deal with these scenarios that will define the success or failure of our marriages. Last week I spoke of sacrificial love as the strength of marriage vows.

I want to reemphasize that unless there is a strong sense of self denial for the benefit and pleasure of the other, that marriage is built on a shaky foundation. Sacrificial love does not look at the gain of self but the other, it is the kind of love that will bear hash conditions if need be. Again, this is not meant to reinforce a stereotype that couples should tolerate all kinds of evil and abuses in marriage, because they vowed and must practice sacrificial love.

The intention is to bring enlightenment that marriage is not just about one individual, but two individuals who are willing to please each other and prepared to suffer for the sake of the other. This important message is carried in the marriage vows we exchange when getting married. Allow me today to share my thoughts about the vows ‘for richer, for poorer’.

This is another foundation that we build our marriage upon as a couple and express how we intend to behave if we are entrusted with riches or if we endure extended periods of lack in our marriage. We all can relate with for richer because of our inborn nature to want to succeed in all we do. In fact, it makes perfect sense why one marries the other if he or she has riches. In yesterday’s world parents would even encourage their daughters to marry a wealthy man, because that man would provide financial security for their daughter; ‘umnftwana wetfu ngeke alambe’.

In my life as a pastor I have seen miserable couples with everything money can buy; couples who have tones of wealth, living in comfortable mansions, but are seemingly tormented by their possessions. On the other hand, I have witnessed married couples with the bare minimum, but are much happier. This led me to conclude that though money and possessions are important, however, they are not a source of fulfillment and happiness in marriage.

Likewise, though poverty is not desirable, it is not the source of happiness in marriage. Since these two extremes are not the fountain of happiness and fulfillment in marriage, they should not therefore be elevated to deal-breakers in marriage. Like the profound words of Jesus, if I may paraphrase for my emphasis; “Let no riches or poverty separate what God has joined together.”

Opportunities happen to us all and perhaps as a couple you are able to make good use of those opportunities and make a little fortune. My appeal to you is that you do not allow fortune to replace your spouse, remember your vows to remain in union in spite of riches. Riches can tear you apart if they are not managed in a godly manner.  However, the true test of this promise is when nothing seems to work for you. Will you stick around when your spouse loses his/her job and is unable to find work for an extended period?

After all society will condone you if you leave your husband because of his poverty state, but this promise ‘for poorer’ you made was void of any conditions and length of time. Honoring your promise looks beyond the current status quo, it speaks of the person you are and the belief you have for your spouse and your God. In this world, nothing is permanent; your poverty status can be a thing of the past if you are willing to work hard through education, retraining of skills and implementing that business idea you keep second-guessing. Do not allow these two extremes to end your union which was sealed by God. God Bless you! Please send comments to adminsec@mbac.co.sz        

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