THE MARRIAGE VOWS 2

MARRIAGE vows must be the centre-piece of every marriage; on the wedding day the vows must take precedence to the wedding garments (suit and gown), decoration, venue, cake and catering.

Afterall without the exchange of vows the wedding day can be mistaken for any other celebratory event. If marriage vows are so important on the wedding day, then it is imperative for the couple to give more attention to understanding the meaning thereof. Understanding marriage vows will increase the likelihood of that couple to honour marriage vows then.

I have already ascertained in the previous article that marriage vows are promises each partner in a couple makes during the wedding ceremony. Normally we do not make promises that we rarely comprehend unless under compulsion. It is therefore poor judgement for the couple to insinuate expectations they are not prepared to follow through. I mentioned last week the non-conditionality of marriage vows; in the hundred wedding ceremonies I have witnessed as a pastor, I have never heard one spouse in the exchanging of vows saying that “if you do this, I will do that”.

In fact, if that were to be the case that marriage would raise eyebrows to the witnesses present and most likely be heading for a drastic collapse. The strength of marriage vows is in sacrificial love, there must be a strong sense of self denial for the benefit and pleasure of the other. And this is a two-way stream. Sacrificial love has no conditions precedent and does not expect repayments.

This I mention to reemphasize the importance of understanding the true meaning of marriage vows as they are exchanged by the couple getting married. Understanding is important because marriage vows create an atmosphere of trust and expectations. And both spouses must not be oblivious on these verbal agreements.

This atmosphere becomes a bench mark for everyday living, the couple can no longer live below the vows they exchanged on the wedding day. This therefore means the married couple now has the task of turning the words (marriage vows) into everyday actions as they live together. The question is how can you turn words you do not understand into actions? My appeal to you, be sober and seek understanding before you exchange, even if you have already exchanged endeavour to understand the promises you have made and work hard to fulfil them. I want you to be aware that any unmet vow or expectation will create cracks in your marriage.  

For Better, for worse
Foundation

Importantly marriage vows shape the foundation of the marriage as they express how the couple intend to relate to each other, how they intend to navigate the path of life together, and what meaning they intend to give to their marriage. Every builder pays careful detail to the foundation of whatsoever structure being constructed. This is simple because the foundation tends to determine the strength and durability of what is being built. It is therefore important to build on a strong foundation.

Since vows express an intent and one strong intent you can express is that of commitment. The famous words, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”, found in one of the oldest and most traditional vows, are a beautiful expression of the couple’s intent to be there for each other regardless of the circumstances.

These vows exemplify the intent to be committed to each other. And the highest form of commitment one can demonstrate to his/her spouse is in practicing what was verbally promised, particularly during tough times when you are going through your ‘for worse’. I am well aware that many couples today no longer articulate this intent to remain committed in adverse times because, they claim mentioning negative scenarios is equal to invitation to such. However, allow me to say, under the sun, life is composed of many seasons and often it is in adverse seasons that demonstrate our resolute, intent and commitment to stick it out until the end.

ommitment therefore is a mindset; it is an attitude and a way of thinking that will enable you and your spouse to navigate through the still waters and the storms of a marriage relationship. Let echo the truth that commitment is rarely required when it is for better, for richer and in health, however it is in the worse, poorer and in sickness where these words which express commitment are tested.  Married couples should know that when they pronounced these vows ‘for better for worse’, they were signing themselves for both sides of the coin.

The truth is we all have different ‘for worse’ but it can be characterised by disappointment, regret, bitterness, frustration and bleak picture of marriage. Regardless of what ‘better’ or ‘worse’ will look like in your life, you will go through both – the better and the worse. And the purpose for this article is to encourage married couples to think carefully about those vows and to those who have not yet uttered them to really mean what they are going to say. And if perhaps you are in your ‘worse’ season in your marriage and you feel you are drowning please seek help from professional or qualified marriage counsellors. We can never fully know what trials to expect, but we can be sure that we will face trails. The questions are: “Am I prepared to endure whatever life throws at me with this person I am about to marry? If the worse times outnumber the better, am I prepared to walk through this life with this person? Am I convinced,

based

on what I have observed of his or her character, that he or she would be willing to stand beside me come what may?” 
Let me end by challenging you to take some time and discuss better and worse scenarios with your spouse or future spouse to those engaged to marry.    

                    
God Bless you! Please send comments to adminsec@mbac.co.sz

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