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THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

05/01/2019 10:54:00 By Nathi Gule

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The new year, new me euphoria slid in this week, but it is now creeping out the same door. A change of digits on a calendar is not a magic wand on an instant character change.We are five days into 2019 and some people already fear some of their new year resolutions maybe be unachievable.

Though in reality nothing is impossible, that is what this week’s feature is about. It’s about the power of personal choices and character change.

Depression

Most importantly, it is about why you should seek the change from within instead of blaming or putting hope on external factors or individuals.
We ended 2018 on a seemingly all time moral low, with more headlines of brutal murders, suicides and abuse cases. That depression was rated as one of the leading topics of that year shows that as a nation we are in need of a drastic behaviouralturnaround. Some days one cannot help but feel some of these incidents are linked to the equally depressed state of our economy.

The sooner that part is sorted, the less a frustrated nation we will be projecting ourselves to be. A mind clouded with frustrations, unfulfilled goals and a low bank balance is not an ideal mind to plan for the future. If anything, if you are in a storm, it is better you calm down first before facing it. Feel good motivational speakers describe calmness and peace as the new wealth. It has overtaken respect. Everyone now seeks peace. The kind of peace Shongwe and Khuphuka sings in ‘Konkhe kuhamba kahle’ meaning all is going well despite the character he is singing about facing an external turmoil.

Ventures

So, first step before we plan for 2019 is to ensure we are at peace, not just with others, but most importantly with ourselves. Forgive ourselves for past failures in business, relationships and any other ventures and begin on a fresh page. There is nothing such as an eternal failure, it is temporary. Even rejection is merely redirection to a better and more successful route. Supreme athlete Michael Jordan sums it up in this way, “I have missed more than 9 000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games.

26 times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in life. And that is why I succeed.” Therefore get your train back on the rail. The journey has just began. Many men who have been jilted or rejected have resorted to suicides or killing others because they think being jilted means something is wrong with them, yet it is not. In fact, being jilted can be a blessing and a chance to start over and this time to the best version of yourself. So again, let’s stop the killings in 2019. Let’s silence our internal demons and refocus and stop blaming external factors or parties for anything that goes on in our lives.

temptation

A lack of success in living a fulfilling life is birthed by a lack of self-regulation and this takes us back to the person in the mirror. As we set out to execute new year’s resolutions, the first thing we should have set out to work on is ourselves. You cannot bring in new furniture in a house that has not been prepared for it. It may not fit.

With your 2019 resolutions, perhaps the dream was to stop drinking alcohol and already by yesterday evening you gave in to temptation to go out with the boys or that so-called girls’ night out. Or maybe it was to eat healthier but the irresistible smell of junk food made you go for a cheat day. Maybe even it was as simple as reading one Bible verse a day but already in five days you have only read one? Don’t feel bad. It’s human. It’s forgivable. Of course not everyone is having a bad time in goal setting and execution.

Motivation

There are those eternal optimists who are holding on. They strive to be perfect for all 365 days. According to management experts, the first 90 days of a new venture or resolution are the most important. Please note, this is not to be confused with the 90 days rule in ‘Act like a lady, think like a man.’ That movie and book is a topic for another day. This 90 days is the one about effecting positive change in your life. “It doesn’t matter what you are doing or planning to accomplish, the first 90 days of any valuable pursuit is about you being consistent,” states Joe Duncan, a motivational speaker who says his mission is to make people become the best version of themselves. Nice mission.

Equally we must be looking to want to be best versions of ourselves. Hence today’s title Man in the mirror. The person who has a direct influence on your destiny, fate or happiness in 2019 is that person you see whenever you encounter a mirror. Duncan notes that people make the mistake of focusing on intensity and to see results within two weeks, yet we should be working hard to improve a certain degree each day.

Michael Jackson, still the greatest artist and performer to ever grace this earth, sang a song with the same headline as my topic today.

Let me not bore you with the lyrics but just share the chorus... “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change.” So as a nation we also need to take a look at ourselves before we complain about service delivery and lack of rewards. Are we also playing our part?

So let’s regroup and take a self-introspection test, find what we can fix that is fixable, fix it, then set personal goals that we would like to embark on for the year. Most importantly remember that it will not happen over night. Some New Year’s Resolutions set five years ago are only bearing fruit today. What is important is to start and to start from a place of peace and calmness that will ensure that you are able to continue even if you hit a stumbling block.

No one will penalise you for missing one day of your set plan but life can penalise you for not planning at all. After all as the saying goes if you fail to plan you plan to fail. So make your resolutions personal, make them about the man in the mirror and you will have less stress in implementing them as you will be reporting to yourself and it is after all you who knows your greatest potential and weaknesses. Good luck!