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A destroyer is one who destroys, ruins, kills or desolates. A destroyer of relationships is actually an enemy and a hindrance to progress in society. One of the greatest hindrances to political, social and economical progress in the nations of the world is the inability of us humans to effectively relate with each other.

We usually ignore, misinterpret or misunderstand each other. This is what usually causes unnecessary political, economical and social wars, which may finally lead to brutal physical wars accompanied by loss of human life and property.

Effective relationships begin at the point of understanding, transparency, respect, trust and cultivating the art of effective communication. Many humans are so obsessed with me, myself and I to the detriment of our ability to relate properly with others. This is the mentality and attitude that has crippled Africa politically, economically and socially, thereby rendering her technological and scientific capacity lame.

The spirit of extreme selfishness and greed that our leaders in various spheres of society have embraced has brought about a curse on communities and nations of Africa. A curse is that which releases unseen negative forces to govern and lead an individual, a marriage, community or nation into poverty or perpetual adverse circumstances.

The Aramaic word for curse is naqab, meaning to stab, pierce, perforate and to strike through with violence in order to bring to disgrace shame, confusion, reproach, dishonor and insignificance. It’s time for us to divorce wrong mentalities, wrong philosophies of life and debilitating cultures. We must not allow our minds to be shaped by selfishness, greed, corruption and ignorance.

Selfishness, greed, corruption and dishonesty are enemies of effective relationships.
Selfishness is that supreme self-love or self preference which leads a person to direct his or her purposes to the advancement of his or her own interest, power or happiness, without regarding those of others.

Effective relationships demand that we refuse to put ourselves first but that we choose to be willing to give our time, money or effort for other’s well-being. Greed is one of the devastating enemies of relationships, be it political, social, economical or business relationships.
Greed is that excessive desire to acquire or possess more things. It’s an inclination or obsession to want things.

When we possess an insatiable desire for things or wealth, it will affect our ability to honestly relate with others. Corruption is another enemy of relationships, especially in the corporate world because it erodes trust among colleagues. The dictionary defines corruption as the lack of integrity or honesty (especially susceptible to bribery). It is the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain.

When we use our senior positions to offer promotions to our female subordinates only if they sleep with us, that corrupts our relationship with them; and we may never again be objective in our later professional dealings with them.

Any attitude, action or mindset that destroys relationships must be avoided. Society is much better when we positively relate with one another in our sphere of operation. Pride is a stumbling block to building meaningful relationships. Pride and self-importance can cause a man or woman to seem wise in their own estimation, and arrogantly confident in their own ideas.

Pride is a downward motion which takes relationships down, thereby destroying unity. Where there is pride, there also shall be unhealthy competition and contentions.

Usually proud people contend, slander, sabotage and even kill others who think differently from them. Pride opens the door to the spirit of sectarianism and rebellion. Pride makes one contentious and independent of others in thought, word and action. We must always avoid thoughts, words or actions which are rooted in pride, because pride is individualistic and divisive by nature.

To make it on your own is not true success. True success is when we make it together, as a family, community or nation. King Solomon declared; “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well advised is wisdom.” Humility is key to effective relationships in any sphere of life. Humility empowers us to be able to submit to one another and see the differences in others as necessary ingredients needed for community and nation building.

Self introspection is key to walking in humility in the context of relationships. How are my thoughts, words and actions towards others? Do I appreciate the difference in others? Do I celebrate other people’s accomplishments? Am I a fault finder or a solution finder? Do I get upset when I am rightfully corrected for wrongdoing?

How do I correct others when they have done something wrong? When things are not done my way, can I still be supportive in implementing another’s idea? National progress demands that we be submissive to one another. We must embrace the mentality of nation builders. Nation builders are humble and secure in who they are; they are not in competition with anybody, but in competition with the best they can be in creating a progressive and better society.

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: Incentives
Should civil servants receive incentives too?