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INNER ISSUES IN RELATIONSHIPS

14/03/2017 04:41:00 BY Charles Samunenge

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A successful and significant life is always about relationships, that’s why human life is usually punctuated with various forms of relational problems. Problems are part of life and we must not be shocked or surprised when we encounter them.

From the time of Adam and Eve when man decided to disconnect from his creator in order to pursue his own will and desire, problems became the common factor in his experiences. We all have a strong desire to have our own will and way.

This deep need within our own hearts to have our own way has its roots hidden in broken areas deep down our souls. We will always struggle to build meaningful relationships or communicate effectively with others around us if we don’t get healed from inner negative issues that influence the way we think, act and react to others or situations.

Relational problems normally reveal or expose areas in our lives where we need to apply some change. It is usually the attitude of our hearts and minds which dictate our viewpoint on life. Relational experiences expose our inner negative strongholds, thus availing us with the opportunity to make some changes. Strongholds can be defined as inner attitudes of the heart and mind. Strongholds normally have their source from wrong attitudes towards major influences which shape our lives.

These are usually people, places and certain events. Our parents are the main influence in our lives, followed by other authority figures in society, and then friends and colleagues. Another source of strongholds is wrong attitudes towards God; wrong ideas about His character, doubt and distrust His love, power and wisdom and blaming Him for our problems.

Negative strongholds are so detrimental to progress in life because they affect our family relationships, church relationships, work relationships, community relationships and even national progress. Strongholds are ‘self-holds’ because they make everything centred on how we think, feel and act. We then usually seek to serve our own interests rather than the interests of others. Selfish desires are the breeding ground for unnecessary arguments, disagreements, strife, divorce and social chaos. Strongholds, brokenness and stony hearts can be seen in our lives manifesting in various ways:

l Being oversensitive and overreacting to issues, people or situations. When we have inner hurts and wounded emotions we quickly act to defend ourselves by either withdrawing or reacting with strong words, violently or even crying sometimes.

l Anger and frustration, especially when we feel like certain rights in our lives that pertain to our needs and desires are not being honoured. Then we overreact with deep feelings of anger, failure and disappointment.
l Some of us live under a dark cloud of fear, worry, anxiety and insecurity. We never feel safe and secure in life.

l Perpetual guilt and shame; feeling that you are no good or not holy enough to please God and other people. There is no sin or mistake that is greater than God’s mercy and grace.
Loss of emotional feeling and building protective walls around our emotions to avoid further pain is a sign of deep hurts. We need much love and wisdom to melt our hearts so that we can relate warmly with others again.

Walking in rebellion is a sign of unresolved inner issues. Sadly, rebellion and stubbornness have become the controlling force of many people today.
The need to control, possess and dominate others is a sign of inner root issues.
A critical and judgemental attitude is a sign of strong inner feelings of inferiority.

Self-centredness or selfishness is a sign of inner issues. It is an antisocial behaviour.
Feelings of rejection; when we feel unloved, unwanted, unneeded and unworthy, we usually withdraw from meaningful relationships for fear of being hurt and rejected.
The strength of these stronghold; hurts and inner wounds differ from person to person due to different personalities, upbringing and personal experiences.

The power of prayer, developing and cultivating right thinking and positive confessions can destroy strongholds and heal inner hurts. We must respect and appreciate the past and all its lessons, yet we must not allow past hurts to limit our peace and joy in our present relationships.

Love is the way to go. Love heals and casts out any form of fear. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind,” (II Timothy 1:7). Let us therefore walk in love, power, and soberness towards one another.