ENDURING LOVE

I woke up yesterday to a flood of text messages and notifications. I was at first taken aback but then I remembered it was Valentine’s Day. No, I do not have many lovers, the flood of texts was just friends sending me their well wishes for the day.

To some this day carries a lot of weight and to others it’s just another day living life. But you may be wondering why I’m sharing this influx of texts.
Well, those texts reminded me that Valentine’s Day is not only for the lovers and married couples. The day can be embody a much bigger discourse in love and embrace all kinds of love: from pragma to philia to philautia.

Every year when Valentine’s Day comes around, there’s a diverse range of reactions to the day, couples plan elaborate performances of their love and some of the single folk spend the day trashing love or hosting anti-valentines soirees.
A friend of mine actually invited me to a party she aptly called ‘Love Is Trash’ where the mandate is just to drink and basically hate on love. Yes, she is single if you’re wondering.

I’m a millennial cynic at times but this year I feel slightly different.
As much as I’m not moved by the histrionics that come part in parcel with the day, I do appreciate now that, even in singlehood, you have love in your life. Some may be too embittered in past hurts and scars to appreciate whatever love they have in their life.

Listen, romantic love is not the only love we must celebrate on this day. I’m well aware that the marketing of the day tends to perpetuate the notion that this day is limited to romantically involved bodies, but after my flood of texts yesterday morning reminding me that I’m loved, I say this day is for everyone.

We live in a world that has fooled us into thinking that being single is some kind of travesty against some social code.
Many of us spend their time searching for love, allowing ourselves to enter into interactions with everything but love because of some desperate emotion.

The need for companionship is understandable, it’s biological but what we need to unlearn this need that places us in unrewarding situations.
We stay too long, do too much and eventually our hearts crush. Not worth it, life is actually way too short for that. So to my single folk, relax and enjoy yourself.

Being in relationships is tough, we can barely deal with our own selves, now imagine another human being too? Love will come.
Now back to the types of love, Philia is the platonic love ‘brotherly’  love, Philautia is the love of self and pragma is enduring love. A love that has developed, matured and it transcends the physical.

Well, Pragma love is the type of love apparently found in married couples who have been together forever, as it requires work and investment from both parties.

This is the so-called life goals type of love and many never get to experience it. Personally, it’s Philautia, the love of self that remains important.
We tend to forget to love ourselves first, validate and honour ourselves but it’s just as important to invest in yourself the same way you do your partner. Go ahead  and love yourself.

Like that meme says, “To all my committed friends, happy Valentine’s Day. To all my single ones, happy independence day.”

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