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SECURITY FORCES TEAMS DEBATE AS OLD AS HILLS

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My dearest readers...


COURT CLERK: My Lordship, can I call case number: 03/06/2019 heard here at Court A for the past two weeks, the State versus security forces teams (Green Mamba, Royal Leopard and Young Buffaloes) with Honourable Judge Lwazi Knowledge Manqoba Dlamini presiding.


The last witness in the box when the case was adjourned was the Premier League of Eswatini (PLE) Chairman, Peter ‘Touch’ Magagula, who tried his damndest to skirt around the issues of willy-nilly handing out cash loans to the team closest to his heart, Mbabane Highlanders and mumbling something to the effect that the security forces teams were not good for the league hence they put in place a Task Team to look into the issue.

What baffles the mind is how the same Task Team has members of all three security forces team instead of neutral people so that the security forces team can also make their own submissions to the Task Team. As you rightly highlighted it Your Lordship, this is akin to jackals calling sheep to a meeting where the subject matter is the slaughtering of sheep! May ‘Touch’, who is under a lot of pressure, as clandestine moves are being made behind the scenes to unseat him, continue with his submission.


JUDGE LWAZI:  Peter Magagula, please remember you are still under oath. This case has nothing to do with your substantive position being under threat from some Board of Governors members who are aggrieved with certain issues which you need to address. I know your life, as R. Kelly once sang in his hit song, ‘Apologies of a Thug’, is like buffet (and being a cordon bleu, I am speaking a language you will be quick to understand here) but you need to be seriously decisive in issues and stop trusting everybody around you.

Some of the people you trust with your life speak ill of you behind your back and have already stabbed you so many times in your back, you now look like a cutlery stand. Be careful ‘Touch’, when days are dark, friends are few.


PETER MAGAGULA (PLE CHAIRMAN):  Your Lordship, I am fully aware that with the Annual General Meeting (AGM) just around the corner, it’s politics at play. Some of the members want favours for having orchestrated the move to make me the chairman, taking over from Mark Carmichael who resigned in a jiff after his team was overlooked for the EswatiniTelecom Charity Cup in a pure rabbit-out-of-the-hat move that left quite a lot to be desired.

They now want me to increase teams to 16 for both Premier League and National First Division. My Lord, this is impossible, not only financially but even structurally. We do not have enough venues to fixture the 14-team league let alone the financial muscle to run both leagues.

The National First Division league, believe it or not, has raised a pitiable E10 000 in gate collections the whole season! This basically means, it is the Premier League teams who are running the First Division League.

Then we have agreements with sponsors like MTN Eswatini for 14 teams which we signed at the start of the season, so increasing teams is impractical. But people always want to throw a curve ball in my direction because they think I owe them for having elected me to the chairmanship. But they can rest assured, I won’t be party to a move to increase teams to 16 even if my team, Midas City, would benefit.


JUDGE LWAZI: You have spoken a mouthful ‘Touch & Go’, and I see these issues get you emotional. It’s no child’s play being chairman of the PLE. It is like being asked to play violin by urinating on it! That’s why the dearly departed shrewd businessman and streetwise administrator, Victor ‘Maradona’ Gamedze (may his soul rest in peace), did not have permanent friends and enemies. You have to swim with the sharks and dance vosho with the lions in the jungle. It is going to be a long month ‘Touch & Go’, I can tell you that as much.


PROSECUTOR (LENHLE NHLANE): Your Lordship, in the gallery, we have people who are not dressed appropriately. Some of them look like toads standing on their hind legs! This is not a stadium but the highest court in the land. What must I do with them, Your Lordship?
JUDGE LWAZI: Get rid of them save for Sidumo Ngwenya, who supports my family team, Manzini Wanderers, even though in that gregarious outfit you would probably point him out in an identification parade for a conman.

He is still celebrating his team winning the Bible Society Cup for the second time in a row. Naye I will allow him to stay on for today despite being visibly nicely soused because it’s been 14 years now since Liweseli last won a real trophy and winning the Bible Society Cup meant a lot to the hordes of supporters who worship with the ‘Weslians’. Imagine if they were to win the coveted MTN League title or Ingwenyama Cup? There would be pandemonium!

I saw the celebrations on Eswatini TV on Saturday and for a moment I became confused if it was the EswatiniTelecom Charity Cup already seeing the modest Mavuso Sports Centre filled to the rafters. I don’t know whether to call the Bible Society Cup an off-season or preseason tournament but there is no doubt it is carving a niche for itself in the vanguard of Eswatini football landscape. Indeed it was the day the Lord made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!


PROSECUTOR (LENHLE NHLANE): Your Lordship, you sound like a pastor now ... hehehehe but on a more serious note, before Accused number one, Vusi Kunene of Green Mamba takes the stand, we have a new witness, Mr. Dumsani Sibandze, who was subpoenaed this morning to make submissions, having being party to the last crusade to oust the security forces teams in 2007. He has just taken an oath, Your Lordship.


JUDGE LWAZI: Goje, you are under oath, I know you are a God-fearing man who used to attend church with me at Straight Gate International Church where Prophet Ken Lukumba does amazing things every day in Sidwashini, I trust you will speak nothing but the truth. I also know you are pro-motor mechanic but I wouldn’t trust you with my wheelbarrow! Kliklikliklikli. Just pulling your leg Goje!


DUMSANI SIBANDZE: Your Lordship, I am an honest son of the soil who neither drinks nor smokes. I am always in my sober senses. I know in our football we have lot of snakes on green grass and people who treat the truth like an optional extra. My Lord, this security forces issue to me has exposed what I have always decried that we do not keep our records as a league. If we kept our records, we would have referred everything to what happened last time this issue of the armed forces teams was raised. I remember it was me, Vuyile Dlamini of Manzini Wanderers and the late Sibusiso Manana of Mbabane Swallows (rest in peace Cusi). We had several meetings together with the late Victor ‘Maradona’ Gamedze (the man we are lucky to have known and I personally believe his untimely demise sounded a death knell to the country as a whole in all sectors of society), Charles Jele and the late Henry ‘Shushu’ Mthethwa.

The meetings were held mostly at the office of the then chairman, Moses ‘Mkhulu’ Motsa. The issue went as far as being an agenda item during the Football Association (FA) Retreat held in Pigg’s Peak in 2007 where a resolution was made. One of the resolutions was to curtail the promotion of sister teams belonging to the armed forces to the upper leagues. It was also resolved that the foreign quota would be reduced to five. I am wondering now what all this hullabaloo is all about because this issue was dealt with a long-time ago. But then we have small-minds (sic) and below average people in our football hence this issue is now here before you my Lordship. This is a matter that is as old as hills!


JUDGE LWAZI: Hehehehehe ... I get your point Goje. Football, by its nature, attracts people from all walks of life. I always tell my friends in our rendezvous weekends that it is a game of opinions.  It is only in football where you have someone who has never seen the inside of a classroom making the rules! We once had a government driver as an FA Executive Committee member where they get to spend as much as E3 million on claims and allowances. That is more than half the national sports budget!


I digress, Mr. Vusi Kunene, please take the stand and make your submission.
VUSI KUNENE (GREEN MAMBA): Your Lordship, like I had said in my first submission, I am perplexed why we have been brought to court because we do everything by the book and we have not broken any law. We are bona fide emaSwati and have every right to play football. To stop us playing football at the highest level will be discrimination, which FIFA is very much against. My Lord, the civilian teams are not telling the whole truth about this matter. They are not being honest. When we recruit players, we pay transfer fees like the rest of the teams. We do not just offer the players jobs and take them for free. We pay for the players. Again, this is not a new issue. It was raised and discussed many moons ago.


PROSECUTOR (LENHLE NHLANE): But what happens in the case where a coach like Gcina ‘Magiyane’ Dlamini, who is under your employ, is then not allowed to coach his team, Vovovo FC against Green Mamba? What codswallop is that?
VUSI KUNENE (GREEN MAMBA): This is an agreement between us and Vovovo FC. We released the coach to assist them and have the agreement that he will not then coach against us. This is an agreement we had prior. Then these people raise such issues as if we are bullying yet it is part of the agreement we have – even with players which we normally give them for FREE!


JUDGE LWAZI: Point taken Mr. Kunene, let’s have accused number two, Meshack Ntshalintshali, making his closing submission.
MESHACK NTSHALINTSHALI (ROYAL LEOPARD): Yes Sir ...


JUDGE LWAZI: I am not Sir ... I am Honourable Judge Lwazi, please respect that Mr. Ntshalintshali.
MESHACK NTSHALINTSHALI (ROYAL LEOPARD): My apologies Your Lordship, this issue to me is a non-issue. It should not have come to court. These people are just being personal and pushed by jealousy. They must put their houses in order.
JUDGE LWAZI: Accused number three, Vusimango Dlamini, your closing submission


VUSIMANGO DLAMINI (YOUNG BUFFALOES): Like I said in my first submission, this whole debacle is based on untruthfulness, jealousy and unaccountability. The civilian teams must sort themselves out instead of bickering, changing Management Committees faster than Kelly Khumalo changes her boyfriends and recruit good players. If they don’t do that, they will end up winning meaningless tournaments like Bible Society Cup, which you don’t know whether it’s an off-season tournament or preseason jamboree. We will continue to dominate in the competitions because we have sound management, we train twice a day and have disciplined players. Our prayers are that the court throws this issue out with the contempt it deserves.
JUDGE LWAZI: Having listened to the submissions by the accused persons and other witnesses, let me state categorically clear that judgment on this matter will be handed down next week Tuesday (June 24) here in COURT A.
Case adjourned.
(I appreciate the feedback, comments and suggestions related to this matter but it is a contempt of court to try to ‘capture’ or influence the honourable judge ... heek, heek, heek, heek)
(Send your comments to: sports@times.co.sz or lwazid005@gmail.com or WhatsApp 7614 9806)

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