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XMAS GIFTS GALORE

18/12/2018 02:05:00 BY Lwazi's Pandora's Boxs

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My dearest readers...
Oh jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride

It’s Christmas time! Even a blind man can see the numerous sales billboards in town which are already up and so are their prices.
The radio and Eswatini TV adverts are also sending the same humdrum message: “Christmas time is here!”

For this grandson of Mlonyeni, Christmas time reminds me that Mary’s baby boy, Jesus Christ was born following an immaculate conception. I do not want scientists to embrace me as a supporter of evolution or theologians to denounce me as a non-believer. I am a regular visitor to the synagogue at Straight Gate International in Sidwashini, the power house, where Prophet Ken Lukumba feeds our souls with his God’s mighty teachings. Christmas time also reminds me that I have to buy my soccer-team of children new clothes as if the bloody brats have been running naked all through the year!

This being the last column before the year 2018 comes to an end, let me take this opportunity to wish all readers of the biggest newspaper in this country – by a mile – the Times of Swaziland, a Happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year.

To the avid readers of this column, the State-of-the-Nation-Sports-Address (SONSA), in particular, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the feedback you gave this year in particular the criticism, hateful messages and plaudits in equal measure. I am not perfect. I am not an angel – besides my gigantic weight wouldn’t allow me to fly - and I have never purported to be on a higher plane than the rest of human society. Just as others make mistakes, so will I. And when I do, it is incumbent that I say sorry – sorry not only to those I have hurt but to the over 100 000 readers who consume this information every Tuesday.

God willingly, even in the New Year, 2019, we will continue to have this conversation with you in this State-of-the-Nation-Sports-Address (SONSA) as we liberate our sports one Tuesday at a time.
Of all the effusive tributes I received this year from ardent readers, one message from a self-titled number one fan of this column from Nhlangano, who had compiled some quotable quotes from this column, really melted my heart.

marry

If I were one of those who cannot tell cheese from chalk, I would gladly marry this guy at a heartbeat. That was very romantic.
Seeing that this is the time of giving, I have also put my hands inside the Pandora’s Box and came up with some lorry load of gifts in the form of CDs. I think the sports personalities truly need some music to cool off during this hot weather conditions and during this short-as-a-sneeze festive break.

Here we go again ... MTN League 2018/19 First Round winners, Green Mamba will get a free CD of Freddy Mercury & The Queens, and they can play: ‘We are the champions’ on full blast at the ‘Correctional Services’ on Christmas Day.

‘Roller Coaster’ by Toni Braxton from the album, ‘Love, Marriage and Divorce’ produced by Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds goes to Mbabane Swallows for the roller coaster ride they have taken their boisterous supporters this season. From the heights of reaching the group stages of the CAF Confederation and Champions League to SwaziTelecom Charity Cup triumph right to the preliminary round exit in this year’s CAF Champions League on a mind-numbing 8-1 aggregate loss to Tanzania’s Simba Sports Club. From the unmatched two full seasons without a loss in the league to four losses within the first round of this year’s campaign, it has been a roller coaster ride for the Swallows of Mbabane.

‘Here comes the pain again’ by Karyn White in the album ‘Make him do right’ goes to Mbabane Highlanders for the endless pain they have given their loyal hordes of supporters as another derby 2-1 loss in the SwaziTelecom Charity Cup final back on August 5 meant the eight year wait for anything shiny in the form of silverware continues unabated.

‘Inkhokhotsa ilele’ by Bholoja goes to hub giants Manzini Wanderers for their fall from grace which is ingrained by their 13-year trophy drought marred by the battle for the soul of the team, ordinary personnel and crisis-by-management.
trying
‘Trying Times’ by Boyz II Men from the first album goes to coach Thabo ‘Koki’ Vilakati for the trying times he is going through right now after being dumped like a bad habit by Mbabane Swallows last week.

‘One Sweet Day’ by Mariah Carey featuring Boyz II Men goes to the National Under-17 squad after winning bronze in the Region V games last week in Botswana. One sweet day the boys will bring the trophy home.

‘Settle for less’ by Liquideep from the album ‘Fabrics of the heart’ goes to the FA Executive Committee for settling for less in the appointment of national team coaches. It’s time they get us a proper coach with a proven track record, not this mumbo-jumbo they have turned Sihlangu into.

‘I don’t ever want to see you again’ by Uncle Sam goes to Sihlangu head coach, Anthony Mdluli for his abject failure as head-honcho of the national team bombing out of the AFCON 2019 qualifiers without a win, draw or point. Even the sorry excuse of a coach De Jongh managed a draw against Niger away!
‘Phendula’ by Zahara goes to the FA Technical Committee which needs to give us answers on why they continue to hand over coaching posts to coaches who have not won anything in their coaching lives. They need to explain to us why they are honouring mediocrity.

‘Alone in a strange place’ by the late Sipho Gumede goes to former Premier League of Swaziland (PLS) CEO, Zwelonkhe ‘Sport’ Dlamini who has not been seen in football circles ever since his contract was not renewed.

‘Age aint nothing but a number’ by the late Alliyah would soothe the souls of the Mbabane Swallows duo of Tony ‘TT’ Tsabedze and Wonder ‘Samba Jive’ Nhleko who continue to dish out performances which far belies their advancing years.
‘Inde lendlela’ by Heavy K featuring Bucie and Nokwazi goes to new Minister of Sports, Culture and Youth Affairs, Harries ‘Madze’ Bulunga who has to dig deeper into his reserves of courage to map a way forward for sports in this country to reached the Promised Land. It’s gonna be a long way!

‘Madibuseng’ by Kwaito group, Trompies goes to Mhlume Peacemakers trading as Matsapha United. As the popular song by the Kwaito group says, “sometimes u-green, sometimes u-Orange”, the Mhlume outfit would sometimes dress up in their own yellow and black kit and in other games come dressed in the light blue of now defunct Matsapha United. Obviously this confusion means nalesigulumba won’t crank!

‘Juicy’ by the late rapper Notorious B.I.G goes to Mbabane Swallows errant midfielder, Richard McCreesh for his unbecoming behaviour and his liking for sweet things in the form of Yogi Sip, when he made headlines for all the wrong reasons.

interference

‘Uzongithola ka-Dazz, uzongithola Eyadini’ by Babes Wodumo goes to former Mbabane Highlanders coach Mlungisi ‘Professor’ Ngubane because that’s where he has gone back to and where he is probably enjoying Gqom music after his short stint with the ‘Black Bull’ before complaining of interference.
‘Merry go round’ by Kacey Musgraves goes to Manzini Sundowns for the non-stop revolving coaching door which has seen the club having three coaches even before the first round ended. Then to all those who wonder and some say this in hush tones, as to where the Times of Swaziland got this ‘naughty boy’ in a poor man’s cap, listening to,

‘Frankly Speaking’ by Sankomota would be of great help. Of course I also have in stock, piles and piles of Steve Bantu’s I WRITE WHAT I LIKE novel to free their souls and make them realise that nobody but yourselves shall free your minds.
Oh, Happy Christmas ... if it means something to you!
My only wish to Father Christmas is brief: “Dear Santa, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don’t mix those two up like you did last year!

Thanks.
Talk to you in the New Year!
Until then, Thatha!
(Send your comments to: sports@times.co.sz or lwazid005@gmail.com or WhatsApp 7614 9806)