GUILTY AS CHARGED!

l even before the secret ballot by the nine fa executivecommittee members (anc big six), inept coach pieter
de jongh must be fired, re-hired in five years as a nutritionist and bomber must effect a new five-year plan asap
My dearest readers... JUDGE: Can the court clerk call the next matter in the roll.

COURT CLERK: Bailiff! All rise! The next matter my Lord is the State versus Pieter De Jongh and Adam Mthethwa: case 24/07/2017.
JUDGE: The last time the court adjourned I promised that I will deliver my judgement after having heard submissions from all parties concerned. For purposes of record I will re-visit the examination and cross-examination during the trial and then read my findings on this matter.

The applicant (read prosecutor Lenhle Masuku) presented that the accused number one (read Pieter De Jongh) should be charged with treason for visiting embarrassment and humiliation to the nation’s pride, Sihlangu Semnikati into a laughing stock. His incumbency as Sihlangu coach since being unveiled on the distinctively chilly Tuesday afternoon of March 21, has been a procession of regression. The nosedive on the FIFA World Rankings – from position 88 to 139 – can only be rivalled by the Rand on the Currency Graph. His media relation sucks, to say the least. Stopped dead on his tracks by the pregnant rhinoceros that is the Times of Swaziland Sports Editor, before he could land a Floyd Mayweather-like-punch on the face of a hapless reporter from the Swazi Observer in Rustenburg, is worse than Grace Mugabe’s disgraceful whipping of a South African model cajoling with her errant boys. Grace Mugabe’s fury was, as my favourite South Africa’s Sunday Times political writer, Barney Mthombothi joked, was not a serious misdemeanour as it was just a wayward electric cord that accidentally collided with a pretty face of a model. I digress. But the applicant averred that the accused number should be found guilty and his passport confiscated because he is a flight risk. He further presented to the court that the Members of Parliament had suddenly woken up from their long slumber to call for the return of former Public protector, Thuli Madonsela (read Harries ‘Madze’ Bulunga) into the national team after his success at the helm of the squad.

The applicant (read prosecutor Lenhle Masuku) presented that the accused number two, Jacob Zuma (read Adam ‘Bomber’ Mthethwa) in the ANC-inspired NFAS set-up has done the country’s football a disservice in his over 20 years in charge. He reckons Zuma (read ‘Bomber’) cannot think beyond the doorsteps of Luthuli House (read Sigwaca House) and that he endorsed the hiring of the Public Protector Busi Mkhwebane (read Pieter de Jongh), when the ANC Committee (read Technical Committee) did not do any background check up before offering him a contract, otherwise they would not have hired him to coach our cataclysmic Sitsebe Samhlekazi. They would have also discovered De Jongh was an unhinged and irascible Dutch who had an emasculated CV.
 

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