WHAT HAPPENED TO LOVING, ACCEPTING THE WHOLE PACKAGE?

Sir,

Whatever the reason, the end of a committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. And when children are involved, the situation is even more challenging. Divorce is rarely easy for anyone, but children exposed to their parents’ anger and pain often suffer the most. For children, divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing. They just cannot get over the fact that they will no longer be under the same roof with their parents. In Eswatini tradition, talks of divorce are rare because traditionally a woman is not supposed to leave her husband, no matter the situation.

Tips

The only plausible thing to do is for the husband to take her back home and tell her parents she is not being a good wife, and therefore, needs to have a word with the elders and get tips on ‘how to be better’. Even when that is so, we cannot deny the fact that a woman can find herself all alone with children of a husband who has gone AWOL. When this woman meets someone else and decides to re-marry, what becomes of the children? Well, most would agree that it is not usual for a woman to bring children from a previous marriage to a new one. Society expects the woman to leave the children home with their ‘gogo’. What is ironic, however, is that if the new husband has children of his own, she is expected to accept them and love them like her own, while hers are longing for her love.

Culture

There are parts of culture and general way of doing things that are absolutely beautiful. This particular practice, however, has never been understandable. The concern is mostly about the abandoned children, as well as the woman’s right to be with her kids that’s been oppressed. While she is showering the new husband and his children with love, her children need her love too. The reason why society has made such customs and practices ‘normal’ cannot be deduced, and there can never be a good enough excuse to justify this. What happened to ‘women and children first’? What happened to loving and accepting the whole package? Does the love become conditional only when it comes to the husband accepting her and her children, and yet the woman is expected to love unconditionally?

We have all been exposed to such situations, whether by being a part of it or witnessing from a distance. A man who cannot accept you when you come with your children, and yet still expects you to love and respect him is probably not worth the effort at all. Women must remember that their kids are the most important people in their life, so now it becomes all about their relationship with them and how they interact with them.

Love

Everyone needs a mother’s love. A mother is the first teacher of the child, they look up to her. We have always been taught that children will do what their parents (especially their mothers) do and not what they say, but in truth, children will do what parents do and what they say as well. Mothers teach their children how to act and speak by showing them how to act and speak and their connection will be strong. But all that becomes impossible if the children are not even present, not only does the bond weaken, but the children miss out on what is the most sacred thing in life, a mother’s love.

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