A CHALLENGE TO ALL MEN

Sir,

Please allow me space in your widely read newspaper to challenge my fellow brothers and fathers to stand up and lend their voices against the violence and abuse that has ravaged our beautiful kingdom. 

The other week was quite difficult for many families, with the horrifying incident of a woman who was murdered together with her child. 

One should also take this opportunity to appreciate this publication for making sure that we are informed of what is happening, although there are still a lot of unreported cases. Such stories are sensitising us as a nation and calling us to act and help one another to stop these hostilities.

Triumph

Edmund Burke once wrote; ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing’. As the world is up in arms introducing different instruments to end the barbaric acts of violence and abuse in our society, it is also necessary for all of us to stand up and use these instruments that catalyse change and say enough to this inhumane behaviour against our own. 

I am saying this especially to my fellow brothers because in as far as there has been a public outcry on this, little has been coming from our side as brothers, sons, husbands and fathers in this beautiful kingdom. 

The issue of violence and abuse is not a women’s issue as many of us have taken it, men and boys are victims of abuse and violence perpetrated by other men and women as well. If there is anything you are already doing in your family, community, town and workplace you can only amplify those male voices.

As men we need to stand up and be counted, there is more we can do to end violence in our society than normalising it. In a society where men are abused, instead of showing them the right structures, it is usually us men who tell other men to act like a man. 

‘Men don’t cry, you need to show that woman you are in control’. This is very dangerous because it justifies violence and the biggest problem is that nobody tells you the truth about paying the price of violence. 

We also need to create a level ground for men to play a significant role in the fight against violence by acknowledging that most of them are not violent, but they are not different from the ‘bad guys’ if they are silent and do nothing. The fear of social stigma and cultural norms, especially on men reporting physical abuse, needs to be addressed to make sure that they do not get the idea that retaliation is the best option.

If we remain silent we are saying we are okay with what we see in newspapers and in our communities. We need to be honest to that frustrated man, that positive and none violent understanding of masculinity is the way to go. 

Most men are living in fear of society. ‘If I don’t use aggression, the community will disqualify me as a man’. We need to move away from such attitudes and get to a place where we uphold each other’s effort to positive behaviour.

S M Mbabane

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