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BREAKING THE BROKEN SILENCE ON ABUSE

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Sir,

 

Violence against women and girls is a pervasive violation of human rights that persists worldwide and cuts across all socio-economic groups. I wouldn’t be able to say the above sentence with conviction if every woman or every journalist chose to blanket all ‘gross’ stories about women. 

Silence towards violence against women is a hidden belief that some abuse and disrespect to women is acceptable. 

I still think we don’t want to believe that women in our country are abused and raped at an alarming rate at the hands of men who profess to love them. 

Forget

We might forget that the most horrific episodes we see and hear about are often the culmination of a long standing pattern of disrespectful behaviours that are intended to create fear, humiliation and control. We also tend to see those assaults as isolated episodes that have no relation to us and our daily lives. 

Most men I know will say with conviction that there is no excuse for abuse against women and they would intervene if given a chance. Even the men who are abusers themselves understand that assaulting women is wrong and are at times outraged that other men hit women.

Outraged 

So, if so many men are outraged about this, why does it continue? Since our behaviours are the reflection of our beliefs, we need to examine what beliefs we might possess that interfere with us providing safety for all women. Then we need to ask ourselves, who is responsible for that change?

I also know that many men do not like to admit to fear, but their own fear is what might keep them silent. They might be fearful of retaliation from other men, being judged or ridiculed by other men, not being accepted by other men or fearful of having to look at their own attitudes and behaviours. The latter fear is the one that, I think, is the most prevalent. And that is why men prefer not to hear these stories, so that their conscience does not eat on them, pushing them to do something.

Silence

One thing we should know is that no matter how much we push for silence, no matter how many times we turn the newspaper page if we do not want to read a story about rape, it is there. 

The stories are there, violence is a woman’s every day challenge. Your sisters, mothers, cousins and girlfriends are violated by other men wherever they are. 

If you’re going to be silent about it even when you see it, do not interrupt the one who chooses not to be silent about it. Women should be able to tell these stories because ‘a problem mentioned, is half solved’. Otherwise we wouldn’t know exactly the magnitude of what we are dealing with if no one dares mention it.

 

Nomsa

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