WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Sir,

There are many signs of an abusive relationship, and a fear of your partner is the most telling. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them, constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive.

Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.
The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely that the person will continue to physically assault you.

The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions.

It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for ending the assault!
Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused.

abuse

Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimised or overlooked, even by the person experiencing it.

The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence, leaving you feeling that there’s no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner, you have nothing.

The scars of emotional abuse are very real and they run deep. You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with physical wounds.
But emotional abuse can be just as damaging - sometimes even more so.

Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and they will frequently use money to do so. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse.
They control themselves until no one else is around to witness their behaviour. They may act like everything is fine in public, but then lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone with them.

impossible

It’s impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs of emotional abuse and domestic violence.
If you witness these warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.

If you’re hesitating, telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or that the person might not want to talk about it, keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save their life.

V Dlamini

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