THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

Sir,

It is a fact of life that in any sort of relationship, we risk being neglected, abused, rejected, lied to or betrayed.

Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are those closest to us. Remember that it was Abel’s own brother, Cain, who slew him. It was David’s son, Absalom, who tried to murder him.

The Bible says: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Notice that we are to forgive whatever grievances we might have against others, no limits are stated nor conditions given.

But in such an era of lawsuits, it sometimes seems like forgiveness is only a concept from biblical times.

Forgive

We are to forgive one another in the same way that Jesus forgives. He was unfairly arrested; He was condemned to death in an illegal trial. He was tortured by Roman soldiers under the command of Pilate.

His closest friends deserted Him. He stood alone when Pilate condemned Him to one of the cruellest deaths ever devised by humans.
His own religious leaders mocked Him, telling Him to prove that He is the Messiah by coming down from the Cross. It was under such circumstances that Jesus uttered: “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing,” Luke 23: 34.

Was Jesus asking God to spare these people from punishment? Was He condoning their treatment of Him? Was He saying that they were innocent? No!
Jesus was saying: “I hold no resentment against any of you for what you are doing to me today. I am not bitter. I am not looking for revenge.”

Bitterness

Not one has ever been made happy by the emotions of resentment and bitterness. This is the message that Jesus was driving home on the Cross.
Forgiveness does not mean having to forget or condone the wrongdoing committed against you. It doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimise or justify the wrong.

You can forgive the person without excusing the act. It also does not mean you need to allow that person to continue hurting you.
The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. You can release anger, bitterness, and the desire for vengeance while still setting limits.

Forgiving is giving up bitterness and resentment; it is choosing to release malice, putting the other person into God’s hands, and being willing to pray for your enemy.

Grudge

When you hold onto a grudge, you are likely to have higher physiological activity like facial muscle tension, high blood pressure and sweating compared to when you forgive. Indeed, forgiving frees us to become whole and healthy.

By refusing to forgive, you are putting yourself under the power of another person.
You are letting that person decide how you will feel. But with forgiveness you are in the driver’s seat. You no longer need to be held captive by anyone.

Bopoto Gwinyai

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