JUST LET HER GO

Sir,

We have heard of a number of cases where most men killed their partners and sometimes kill themselves because the partners no longer wanted to be in an intimate relationship with them.

The word ‘rejection’ is every man’s nightmare, especially if it comes from the opposite sex. Some say they don’t mind being rejected in job interviews but not by a woman.

For some of us who have been through that route, and no life was lost, I can tell you that as hard as it is to take; a break up is never a surprise. There are times where you can tell of the warning signs but choose to ignore them, which is why when it finally hits you it hits you really hard.

Society has created gender roles in such a way that a man’s sense of identity, status, power and role – his ‘honour’ - depends on it being propped up and reinforced by the compliance and conformity of those, particularly, women around him. The challenge here becomes the societal humiliation on the man for his bruised ego.

 When you have tried and exhausted every effort to keep the relationship, there is nothing more you can do as a relationship is made out of two willing individuals.

Admit

You just have to admit that this is a good thing coming to an end.
Our society has continued to victimise women even after their death, labelling them bad wives, or bad mothers and that she had done something to provoke the angry man.

A study on young fathers describes how our cultural norms put pressure on men and how they are made to negotiate the demands of being fathers in the patriarchal context, and how their marginalized positions breed irresponsible behaviour thus tying them to conducts that negatively impact them, not necessarily because they are bad men.

The main challenge of every man always points back to society, peers, family and the community which limits them from being themselves and not giving them the support they deserve when they are faced with difficult situations.

When you have tried everything you could and no positive results are forthcoming, it’s time to let go, life continues. Forget about your peers, your family and community labelling you a failure, that won’t kill you. You still have a chance to rebuild your life for a new relationship.

S Makama

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