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LIFE WORTH LIVING WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH

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Sir,

I thought I could ‘avenge’ myself by doing exactly what everyone else has and is doing to me. I thought lying back would solve the urge of knowing I was lied to.

By and by, I thought revenge was a solution to all my inflicted discomforts. Nothing ultimately solves everything. When you beat her she dies, eventually. When you love him he lives, ultimately. When you sleep around you contract HIV and by and by you spread it all around. The world and its inhabitants vilify each other.

Back at primary school I had a tendency of knowing just about everything and anything. My hand was quick to rise with the right answer but the reactions I got eventually calmed the urge and charisma I had. My teacher once said; “Ngatsi wati kakhulu nawe butterfly,” and my middle name instantly changed to butterfly. I cannot describe the trauma it left and the disgust at every question asked I had an answer to but couldn’t ‘fly’ a response over. The charisma didn’t and couldn’t stop, it only paused for a couple of weeks and I got back on my feet and started ‘flying’ answers around.


High school was supposed to be the ideal place and time for conquering, until I realised those guys were twice as ruthless as the primary foes. Try going to school ‘unemacwatsa’ at the back of your head, with a shady uniform, clumsy shoes and have a little bit of charisma. They’ll laugh at you, people laugh at anything and everything. They laugh at the likes of Jack Ma calling them nerds, they laughed at the likes of me calling ‘them’ butterfly. The beautiful girl is ‘yellow bone,’ the young good looking gent is ‘Ben10,’ everything and everyone is the other’s victim. But then, do we have to avenge ourselves at all these labels? Do we have to stoop as low as they have just so we could feel good?


The primacy of right over wrong is without fail a great pointer to a future of humility. When you prioritise right when wrong is cornering your instincts, you add another goodness to the sea of wrongs we live within. Just the other day, I wanted to tell my ex-girlfriend how I loved, how she is simultaneously selfish and generous, and that I still love her but then I realised no one can solve anything when they are double minded. If they love you they stay and if they loathe you they leave. If you are able you will and if you are unable you won’t. If you are humane, you will hope the best for others and if you are inhumane you will shun your responsibilities, you will kill your lover, you will hate your neighbour and mislead people. Life is only worth living when you know your worth and people are not ‘worth-googles,’ they do not know your worth.

Fifa Dlamini.

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