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At times I observe others, their gestures, the desire to be heard, the venomous comments and having to have the last word. I can relate, I was once there. I too believed that was the only way people would learn and listen.

I am grateful to have hit rock bottom, for without having experienced that I would not be where I am today nor would I be the person I have become.
Today I compliment myself when others say as much as they can to demean whether it be me or others in my presence and I feel no need to retaliate. Now I know they are informing me about themselves. I walk away and let them argue among themselves. I am grateful I have mastered controlling my mind and not ever think about it. I leave the past in the past, where it belongs.

As a deputy sheriff I would walk pompously down the street, flanked by two police officers while marching someone to be held in custody, pending their appearance in court. I thrived on putting fear into people and showing them my badge. When I spoke the choice of vocabulary and gestures ensured that people just obeyed for fear of not knowing just how far I could go. 

The element of surprise was always my trump card. So today when others throw their weight about, I can relate, but I take a step back and consciously nullify those emotions. I stay in the moment to ensure I do not mirror back to them what they are emitting, for I cannot afford ever again to destroy the only body I have to live in during this lifetime.

There are two sorts of people we will meet during our lifetime: those who will remind us of who we do not want to be and those who we admire and want to emulate. There are also those who remind us of who we used to be. The wonderful thing about acknowledging that there is ample room for improvement within one is that daily one becomes conscious of small changes one can make to improve not only one’s mindset but one’s life in general. If one is resistant to change, everything in one’s life becomes stagnant.

When someone did something I did not like although I would elect to remain silent, I filed that deed in my memory. Upon them continuing to do same again, I would eventually, as someone once put it, ‘go ballistic’! Today I ensure I vocalise my disapproval without malice.
I had to go through all that to learn I could still achieve the same result using a tactic which was more humane. My own fears made me behave in that manner. Today in retrospect I recognise that.  Now you understand when I say, we have to ‘deal’ with our past.

So when many pretend to have had mistake-free perfect pasts, I pity them for they are in denial about how much work they still have to do on self.  Enlightened souls did not just arrive; they journeyed to get where they are. They worked on their ills, detrimental behaviours, judgemental tendencies, pride, expectation, insecurities, validation of self and numerous others traits.  We are all work-in-progress. 

(Comments: My FB page; www.inalda.co.sz ; inaldathegreat@gmail.com )

Inalda Jorge-Antonio

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