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STOP BLAMING OTHERS

26/05/2016 04:11:00 The editor

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Sir,

I cannot speak for others but can only speak for myself. I have found that as long as I point fingers and blame others for finding myself in uncomfortable and awkward situations, I learn nothing from the situation.

When I take responsibility and take ownership of the situation I find solutions to the hurdles. I find it easier to cope with whatever has to be done to resolve it.

Denial has the uncanny power of making us feel helpless for we are in a state of resistance. Resistance leads to one feeling drained. One feels lost. That feeling of being lost leads to us acting irrationally.

When we act irrationally it normally costs money. That which we resist persists and that which we acknowledge disappears.
Initially when someone brings it to our attention that we are to blame for something, we tend to get angry.
However, it is difficult to be efficient if one is angry. Anger takes away logic.

It is important to pause for a moment and not be quick to speak when in this state.
I have learnt to take long deep controlled breaths to bring myself back to the present moment. I also remove all thoughts from my mind to enable me to calm down.

I question myself, what could I have done which would have changed the situation?
Often there are numerous options which I would not have seen had I continued being in denial.
The universe has a way of constantly bringing up the same situations until we master the lesson.

For example, if upon receiving our pay cheque we utilise every cent without having regard to transport money or money for food, the result is that we will struggle daily to get bus fare and food money.
If this situation arises every single month then it is obvious we have to learn to sit down and write down our monthly living expenses and ensure we live within our means.

How do we expect to get to work and get paid at month end if we have not even made provisions on how we will get to work daily?
I have realised that I often tell others we are not in our positions nor the vehicles we drive or the spaces we reside in, and yet I have found that I have the tendency to think that because someone holds a high position in say a bank, I would think that they would be well mannered and courteous.

I have, however, learnt that that is not the case. Someone in such a position is quite capable of being rude and inconsiderate.
They may have been blessed with that position because they know how to bring in the money to the benefit of the bank but they were not taught manners.

Such a person is quite capable of putting the phone down on one while one is still speaking to them, when one is paying for the call and to show total disrespect.

In such a situation I have to constantly remind myself, there is a difference between qualifications and education.
To me, education is knowing how to communicate and deal with people in all levels of life.
In this situation you have a choice of whether you want to continue dealing with this person or not. Nothing in life is cast in stone.
There are always other options. One merely has to have an open mind to find solutions.

The next time you find yourself feeling helpless, ask yourself questions. Be prepared to take decisions that will be life altering and thought altering. Realise that many of the old ‘habits’ we have practised for centuries really have not worked for one.
One has to find thoughts and habits that will work for the individual. That will make one feel complete and whole again.
It is, after all, one’s life and the only life one has in this lifetime.

Do not ever let the actions of another deprive you of your peace of mind. Realise that since you are only in control of yourself you have to do whatever it takes to improve your standard of life. No one can do that for you.
Take ownership and take control. You can, for you have always achieved whatever you set your mind to. You are more powerful than you care to acknowledge.

Inalda Jorge-Antonio