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Teenage pregnancy and early sexual relationships

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Sir,

On your widely read newspaper allow me to reach the population at large, mostly females, on a key subject that delays their freedom and the country’s development.

It is very important for parents to talk about love and lust, having sex and not having sex, using a condom and not using a condom. Sex is culture in our days. We are completely enjoying it, depending on who you are doing it with, where you are having it and how you do it, without minding the consequences that follows the game.

It’s like playing soccer. A teenager can be easily channeled to be a sex object, if she lacks good skills, knowledge, backbone and advices. Once you have sex you can have it even more than 30 times a year. 

I am not talking about wives but am talking to girls who are not settled. While the drums are beating you can’t see the damage you are doing to yourself and your body, but you discover it when the watch has ticked its last number. The more you change partners like pants the more number of sexual partners.

It becomes more hectic when they fall pregnant, it comes back to us parents we suffer the most. Usually the boys are nowhere to be found. A number of girls start living positively after their first pregnancy, which is good when we talk about behaviour change but it is too late because the scars are there and you have to live with them your whole life.

Can you imagine if you were 16-19 years old and a hunk is proposing love to you, remember (no secrets) how hard it is to break the news. Is he going to continue proposing to you or he will withdraw his words? What would come to his mind about you?
You will end up saying ‘am not ready but baby I have to tell you something’ you will have difficulties about your past mistakes.

Fine it doesn’t have to be like you have to accept your past mistakes, find a way out and learn to live with them. Don’t let the past steal your present. In life you don’t have to be a victim but a survivor so that you won’t repeat what you are not happy with.
I can love to share this with you, I have lost a partner, his principles are against dating (umtalakanye) let it not be you in future.

Would you refrain from wrong doing and try to make your ways straight so that you won’t explain yourself like I did and I eventually lost  the man I love just because of my past. Once you continuously have sex, chances of you using a condom are low, you end up saying ‘he is my steady boyfriend’ how many ‘steadies’ are you going to have before you meet ‘Mr Right’?
ABSTAIN and delay sex till you get married. Once you have sex with a man without a condom, he will take you for granted, he won’t think of you being a wife material you will remain a sex object. A good man would count on:

*     How many man you had sex with without a condom
*   Do you know your HIV status
*   Are you okay in your senses
*   Do you have confidence within yourself?
*    No life principles (awutati kutsi ufunani)
*   You hate yourself

Love is not about pleasing someone but is about making correct decisions which you won’t regret in future. You don’t have to put his interests first then yourself later. In a relationship, we are both equal. If you are having a child and you know very well that it was a mistake for you to have that child, don’t let him manipulate you as a semi wife for sex.

It won’t help you to go after him just for the baby’s sake, do something positive in life. Remember that your body is God’s temple so ungawungcoliseli lite, reserve yourself for your husband. If you are having sex, use a condom correctly and consistently. Reduce your sexual partners to one to reduce risk. Be faithful to your partner and know your HIV status so that you protect those you love and if you have not tested don’t put them at risk.
To teenagers, scholars and those who have not started, remain pure.

Keep your virginity by abstaining. Remember a virgin can be seen through the eyes, don’t lose your pride.
Finally, you are lucky I am sharing these with you, some have seen it and some have not but my dear sisters let’s take care of our cute selves. Nobody has to. It is you and you alone.

Just get yourself infront of a mirror, do you see how special you are, why are you doing this to yourself. Remember we are God’s image. Are you happy about what you are doing to yourself? I don’t want you to experience what I’ve seen please make your ways straight.
I would love to urge parents not to take sex as a taboo, talk openly to your children, children value what their parents told them only if it was time.
Sisters come out share your stories to help those next to you, so that we can succeed together in life.

Nonhlanhla Ngco Dlamini
Bhunya

Nonhlanhla,
I hope our young people will read this and heed your advice, and just to say of course that if they would listen, this country would have a very bright future. We therefore need more people to think like you. Keep it up, and do spread the word.
Editor

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