Times Of Swaziland: RE-DIRECTED ANGER

RE-DIRECTED ANGER
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The Editor on 05/10/2018 09:22:00


Sir,
We can all testify to having had to answer to someone superior to us, who we
thought had the right to control us in any way. That person is normally called
the ‘boss’.
The same person, who is the boss, has an inherited right to abuse us and treat
us unfairly. Even when they falsely accuse us, we do not talk back because we do
not want to be’ fired’. Interestingly enough, even if that person is not our
boss, even if they are simply someone we consider an elder, we are more likely
to not say anything to controlling, insensitive or abusive people. We simply
become mute until later, when the moment has passed, and then, only then do we
start barking at everyone around. Psychologists call it displaced aggression,
but most people recognise it as the kick-the-dog syndrome.
The kick-the-dog syndrome is the act of mistreating a peer or someone inferior
to you out of frustration because a superior, whom you can’t argue with, has
treated you poorly.
There could be many underlying excuses or reasons behind abusive men and abusive
behaviour in general, one of the many being ego. When a man’s ego has been
bruised, he will want to restore it somehow, and one way of doing that is
finding someone else to belittle. This is typical in a younger-older sibling
situation. If the older brother or sister has been upset by the parents, he or
she will take it out on the younger siblings.
Transference is a phenomenon in psychology characterised by unconscious
redirection of feelings of one person to another. People are frustrated by high
unemployment, filthy environments, crowded living areas, oppressive corruption,
a rigid political system that keeps the rich rich and the poor really poor, and
so many other things. And there is nowhere to vent.
That is, until some innocent woman obliviously dresses in her nice clothes that
are considered ‘revealing’ by the unknowingly oppressed, and then they see a
good opportunity for themselves to blow off some steam and to direct it to these
women who cannot physically fight for themselves.
Re-directed anger is no excuse to abuse and ill-treat someone else. If one finds
himself in a situation where he doesn’t feel ‘man enough,’ then the woman
shouldn’t be used as the ‘tool’ to restore self-esteem. Come to think of
it, this entire overblown incident is not a debate between Eswatini culture and
customs, it has nothing to do with norms and tradition. It really has nothing to
do with sexual racism but it is a symptom of a ticking time bomb that is the
abuse and violence worlds.
But one thing that abusers fail to know is that you can only oppress people so
long, until they explode. It’s like a kettle. If you don’t remove the lid
once it starts boiling, the entire kettle is going to explode and destroy your
kitchen. There are claims that the proper way to walk a dog is the dog walking
either beside you, never in front of you. As we react to different stimuli
around us, as men, it is proper to remember that as much as we are physically
capable to abuse women, the only way to make them happy and comfortable around
us is if we treat them as equals and more than that, human beings.
Sizwe Mbuli