Times Of Swaziland: PATIENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS

PATIENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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The Editor on 08/01/2018 00:24:00


Sir,
Consider your partner’s feelings; if you are patient and kind with your
partners, they will feel loved and adored. If you are impatient and intolerant,
your partner is likely to feel rejected by you.
Your actions and reactions can have a direct effect on how your partner feels,
so think about this when you’re feeling impatient or frustrated. Remember that
you care about your partner and don’t hurt them.
If your partner forgets to buy milk, saying “That’s okay, we’ll just get
it later,” shows you understand it was a simple mistake. If you instead say
something like “I can’t believe you did this again; you always forget
everything,” you are implying that your partner is flawed and that their
mistakes are unacceptable. Remember, a little mistake like this isn’t the end
of the world. It’s normal to be impatient yet many assume that mistakes are
the result of incompetence.
This is a bleak outlook to have and it may lead you to say hurtful things before
you even realise it. A great way to break this habit is to use a buffer to force
yourself to think before responding.
You could make it a personal rule that when something frustrating happens, you
take three deep breaths before you say anything. This will give you time to
process the situation and respond appropriately.
You’ll probably realise that what you thought was a huge mistake actually
isn’t that big of a deal, and you can downgrade your response from angry to
understanding. In a more serious situation, you could leave the room or go for a
walk. This will allow you time to cool down and think about your reaction.
Patience will come along with understanding, and one of the most important
things to understand about your partner is that they’re not perfect. When you
set unrealistic expectations for your partner, you will be disappointed. This
disappointment will lead to impatience and frustration in the relationship.
An example of an unreasonable expectation might be thinking that your partner
should be home at exactly 5:30pm every day, even though they have a 25-minute
commute and work until 5pm. This leaves little to no time to account for things
like walking to the car, or changes in traffic, and ultimately sets your partner
up to fail. Try instead to hold a more reasonable expectation, like expecting
your partner to let you know if they will be held up.
If you are easily frustrated, that isn’t likely to change overnight, and being
hard on yourself will only add to your frustration. Instead, recognise that you
are working toward being more patient and forgive yourself for mistakes that you
make along the way. Remind yourself that patience will pay off. Being patient
benefits you in many ways. Your relationships will be more loving and
respectful, and you’ll find yourself calmer and more at peace. When you start
to feel frustrated, keep in mind that responding with patience will help you
live a more satisfying life. You’re in this for the long haul, so don’t get
distracted by minor frustrations along the way.
Nkosing’phile NtshaliNtshali