Times Of Swaziland: IT IS PARENTING NOT MOTHERING

IT IS PARENTING NOT MOTHERING
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The Editor on 15/11/2017 01:20:00


Sir,
The world still frowns at a woman who decides not to have children because she
‘does not want to’. It is hard to understand when a woman chooses to stay
childless, especially after marriage.
It is almost as if she is insulting her in-laws, even dragging her father’s
name in the mud. If she is educated, the insults become even worse. It is
important to understand that there is really nothing wrong with these women’s
choice; they are just educated, humble and devoted women who believe it is just
as much a feminist choice to be a parent as it is not to be one. These women
have empowered themselves and refuse to endure a male-centred obstetric history
that has taken women’s bodies and molded them to their preferences, their
comfort and for their world view.
However, choosing to be or not to be a mother does not make one a feminist or
non-feminist. It is actually wise for feminists to have children so that they
can impart the spirit of feminism to the younger generation. It is worth noting,
though, that most women are struggling to find balance between their life,
parenting and work.
This is because the idea of parenting has been confused with mothering. Men
refuse to support their partners and even be there for their own children. It is
surprising to hear a man proudly say ‘I’ve changed a great deal. I stopped
drinking, I go to church and I pay maintenance for my children’ as if paying
the maintenance is a bonus, when in fact it’s a responsibility that both
parents should keep without fail. Some men can never be caught dead buying
diapers or baby clothes and food, simply because that’s a ‘woman’s job’,
was it a woman’s decision to start a family?
We cannot overlook the fact that single parenting has become the order of the
day, especially in Swaziland. Is it possible that this could be another ill
interpretation of feminism? Raising children is a difficult and rewarding task
at the same time. It is a challenge on its own, but the challenge doubles when
the task falls on one parent alone.
This leads to anxiety and depression because the mother will not only have to
take care of her needs but also that of her children and that is a burden if she
neglects either. This, however, doesn’t happen in households of single parent
mothers only. Even in normal households men feel like they are comfortable in
the backyard and in the garage, and women are left with the burden of not just
educating, but also punishing the children.
Anonymous