Times Of Swaziland: THE PARENTAL CONTRIBUTION

THE PARENTAL CONTRIBUTION
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CHRIS MORGAN on 11/11/2021 07:59:00


Government has felt it right to compromise on the issue of parental consent
forms aimed at avoiding a repetition of the rioting and damage carried out in
schools by pupils during recent weeks.
And it isn’t an easy issue. Government is clearly committed to providing the
best education possible for the children of the country. But the serious damage
to children being out of school, and the amount of material damage done while at
school, has presented two mutually exclusive scenarios and muddied the waters
for decision-making by the authorities. A careful investigation should identify
the motives of the pupils.
Grievances
There are, in the meantime, numerous voiced grievances, ranging from the two
incarcerated MPs, to sexual abuse and school meals. We don’t know how much was
genuine concern for key issues, or a juvenile expression of unhappiness, perhaps
even motivated by outside influences. Not everyone wants a peaceful solution to
the current troubles. And the youth are vulnerable; thousands are orphans.
Don’t forget the personal challenges presented to our youngsters from the loss
of parents through HIV and AIDS, and single parenting through non-exogenous
factors. Tying in the parents through signed commitments, and the over
18-year-olds similarly, is barely a solution.
The extent of the complaints, and of declared refusal to sign the consent forms,
has made the scheme almost impossible to launch. We should rely on application
of the existing laws to deal with those who carry out illegal acts. Taking part
in the damaging of schools is clearly breaking the law, and the perpetrators
should be held accountable, as provided by the law. But watching such an
incident passively should not be treated as also breaking the law. The only way
to achieve effective parental oversight, and intervention of the kind intended,
is through the continuum of active parenting throughout a child’s development.
Even then, of course, there is no guarantee of success, especially in the modern
era of social media and its distractions, good and bad. So allow me please to
divert to a few thoughts on the subject.
Reflects
For most adults in the world, having children reflects a natural predisposition
to giving birth. It keeps the population of the world going, though not
necessarily growing. Parenting done properly is a time-consuming,
patience-sapping and funds-depleting activity. And just as biology dictates that
conception requires a male and female to participate in the process, so are both
parents needed in the optimal upbringing of the child. But, sadly, that is so
often missing.
In the days before the Women’s Liberation movement of the 1970s, married
couples of the so-called First World – and most were married in those days –
gave the husband a far more independent patriarchal role than today. Women’s
Lib changed all that. In those countries, husbands started to help with the
housework, sharing chores like the washing-up or cleaning the kitchen floor;
even changing the baby’s diapers, bathing the kids and reading them bedtime
stories; unashamedly and without any feeling of emasculation. Ready DNA analysis
now ensures all males are accountable for their part in procreation. Many males
in many parts of the world may quiver at the prospect but that’s the way
society is moving. And it’s a good way.
What is initially surprising, though on reflection less so, is that an
alarmingly high number of men and women have informed surveys that having
children did not seem to bring happiness. Instead it removed semi-permanently
such pleasures as freedom, financial security and minimal stress. But all, bar
none, would be devastated if anything serious happened to those children.
Happiness
So allow me to suggest that there’s more to it than the obvious
characteristics of happiness. There is something deeper, having to do with love,
meaning, purpose and fulfillment. Those same parents do admit that their lives
have more significance than if they had been without children. There’s joy as
well as pain. And you are giving a life. People who say you should think twice
about bringing a child into this dysfunctional world should remember that it is
still a beautiful world.
Accepting responsibility is a key factor in producing responsible children. In
every society, each parent should look self-critically at the quality of
guidance and protection given to minors. What you put in largely determines what
you get out. That’s a template for the future.
Regarding Eswatini society in the current context, we are dealing with the
teenagers of today, the output of years of parenting or non-parenting. The
fastest route to harmony now is to ensure those teenagers are respected
stakeholders in the coming national dialogue process; and are made aware of that
today. Then we can have the pupils back, learning safely. Any damage to schools,
in this current climate of commitment to the imminent national dialogue forum,
would then invalidate the integrity and sincerity of the grievances voiced.