Times Of Swaziland: THE TRAP OF OFFENSE

THE TRAP OF OFFENSE
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By Charles Samunenge on 14/11/2017 04:03:00


Life has so many different traps that seek to keep us in our past or in cycles
of unproductive activities and thought patterns. It is imperative for each one
of us to mature and outgrow certain retrogressive behaviors and thought patterns
in order to go forward in life.
Life is too short to be involved in unproductive childish or immature
behaviours. So many people end up failures in life because of the blame game,
and the failure to take responsibility or account for their own responses or
reactions to issues of life and relationships. Wisdom demands that we take
responsibility for the direction our life is taking.
When we choose to completely blame others for our mess, we have signed up for
cycles of failure. Our lives should always be in the state of being responsible,
accountable and answerable. Responsibility is a social force that binds one to
the consequences of their thoughts, words and actions.
Life will always avail us many opportunities to be offended. Offenses will
always come to each one of us one way or the other. How we respond to offense is
really what matters, and will always expose the level of our maturity or
immaturity.
Farlex’s dictionary defines offense as, “the state of being offended or
displeased.” It is the cause or occasion of stumbling or sin. To stumble is to
trip in walking in any way or to endanger a fall, or to stagger because of a
false step.
Offense will cause us to take false steps in life which may in turn endanger our
purpose and destiny. To take offense is to feel, or assume to be injured or
affronted; to become angry or hostile. It is to feel wounded by the words or
actions of others.
Offense is a strong emotion, a feeling that is oriented toward some real or
supposed grievance or hurt. An offended person usually also feels hurt, wounded,
unappreciated or disrespected. This could be real or just imagined, due to the
way they perceive the situation, words or actions of others. They then embrace
hurt feelings, stop relating with others or become shallow in their
relationships.
Offense brings limitations to our progress in life and distorts the way we view
ourselves and others. We must be careful not to allow petty things to cause
resentment to take root in our lives.
Usually when we think or believe that someone has offended us, we also become
resentful towards that person and everything that has to do with them. This is a
trap that keeps our minds and emotions trapped in a circumstance or incidence,
and ultimately may kill our creativity and our joy levels in life.
The first step in learning how to deal with our offense, anger or resentment is
developing a sincere desire to change. Until we are willing to do something
about it, nothing will change. Second we must train ourselves to deal with
offense before the feelings of anger overwhelm us by sometimes realising that
the problems are not as big as we think they are; and learning to just laugh at
certain issues.
The third thing to do when you feel offended or angry is to get more information
on that particular issue. Many times we assume or perceive that certain things
are happening or certain actions or words mean this or that, when in actual fact
things are not happening the way think.
However, when we get more information on the matter, our thoughts and feelings
may change. We must never ever jump to simplistic conclusions about the
situation or person who is making us feel offended or angry. As a matter of
fact, we must train ourselves to always view situations or people in a positive
way.
This will help as rise above the spirit of offense that has spiritually,
emotionally, mentally, socially, economically and politically stagnated many
individuals, families, communities and nations.
We all experience situations of misunderstanding, hurt, pain and suffering; some
of us are able to handle it and respond to this better than others. Some of us
become deeply offended, angry, bitter and cynical about life, and yet others who
experience the same problems become happy and better humans.
The answer lies in learning to forgive ourselves for reacting badly, and others
who seemingly offended us. To forgive is not usually easy, because it carries
the act of absorbing the guilt of the offender while at the same time letting
them go free; yet it is the right thing to do.
Forgiveness is costly because it entails that justice may not always be
fulfilled. It is always better to forgive someone than to incubate hatred, anger
and resentment; because the price of unforgiveness is high.
Harbored resentment will ultimately corrode a disposition, elevate blood
pressure, upset the digestive system, ulcerate a stomach and even bring on a
nervous breakdown.
Life is too short and precious to live it in the retrogressive zone of offense,
anger and resentment. We must therefore choose to free ourselves from the
devastating trap of offense.