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BE SELFISH, BUT SELFLESS

05/05/2023 07:07:00 Nomsa Mbuli

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Waking up can be very uncomfortable. It’s been a couple of years for many who remain unemployed after the COVID-19 pandemic forced employers to cut down on the number of employees. Some started their own business that failed to strive in the ever so demanding world. Others are still employed but earn close to nothing and their income cannot even sustain 10 per cent of their needs. I continue to witness potential employees offering less than the minimum wage to be house-help. It’s tough, and gets rough that a beautiful activity such as waking up can be so daunting and dreaded. I know because that’s how I feel every morning.

Fear

Experiencing the fear of confronting your own mind that you find time fillers, you start doing things, anything just to stop yourself from thinking. I have an escape from my own mind, I watch episodes of Judge Judy because I know that within four minutes I’ll be asleep. I made that a habit because then I don’t have to think. These things become an addiction though, attachment to comfortable habits and patterns, coupled with the resistance to change are what keeps one in a dark corner for too long. If you are used to making things happen, making ends meet without struggling much, then you find yourself struggling with ego because asking for help is a scary task. I think COVID-19 and its aftermath have left us with the difficulty of integrating into a destructive society, the resistance to accepting truths that destroy your worldview – that it’s not perfect anymore. If your life wasn’t changed by any of the destructions in the past two-three years, then it will be difficult for you to relate with this article today.

But I wrote this, such a personal piece of writing, to validate my strength of being able to navigate this life thing despite the challenges, but mostly to bring hope to anyone else in a similar situation. I want whoever is going through the worst to understand and accept that it gets messy sometimes. You are not alone in that mess. Sometimes you just want to lie in bed all day, eat dirty food, indulge and numb out to escape the emotional discomfort.

Experience

My recommendation to anyone who is struggling right now is to be kind to yourself and let go. Letting go seems so easy, doesn’t it, but in my experience it is not at all. Letting go can be whatever you want it to be. You can simply let those tears go down your cheeks and not resist crying because maybe that’s the release you need. You can let your emotions go without bottling them in because after that loud cry, you will find your way forward.

Let go of anything that is holding you back, that relationship you can’t escape because that may be the beginning of your happiness. Let go of that childhood dream to be a teacher because selling fruits on the streets is the only option available to you right now. Let go of that addiction you are now using as an escape because maybe if you let yourself think, you can come up with ideas that will get you out of that mess sooner than you thought. While you are letting go, be gentle, kind and patient with yourself. Rome wasn’t built in one day.

Distracts

Your occupation with thinking or trying not to, is what distracts you from your Being. Give up fighting the mind. The mind is our valuable and most precious tool on the body, so letting it find the answers for you without fighting it would be doing yourself a great service. The only place you will find freedom and peace is in yourself. Because your true self is the only constant in your experience. So find it in you to let your mind remind you exactly who you are and what you are capable of. If you are like me and are afraid to ask for help, even if it’s for someone to listen, then being there for yourself is your best bet.

When you surrender the struggle with your mind, you can relax into your heart. This will help you to show up now. Show up for yourself, and your kids, you are needed more than ever. Forget about showing up for anyone else because it’s OK to be selfish sometimes. This journey of finding yourself needs you to walk it alone. The reason everyone else is where they are today is because they were selfish with themselves, their time, their money and their needs. They put themselves first. If you want to be great too, put yourself first. Forget about the emotional blackmail and manipulation about putting others first. There are situations that need that. But self-discovery and brand rebuilding require you to put yourself first. Good luck.