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WHEN MEN KILL LOVERS

23/08/2017 05:18:00 BY PRUDENCE HLATSHWAYO

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WHY are women still dying? In many occasions, men feel unconfident or vulnerable because their wives or partners say no to sex or challenge the liaison.

Conferring to the author’s reflexion, cases reported precisely in our local media feature what researchers, professionals and those in the criminal justice system discern too well: while intimate partner homicide crosses socio-economic, religious, age and cultural lines, the deaths habitually fit a well-worn template. For instance, when the bond is over or ending there is often a history of abuse and violence. It frequently results to non-stop threats and aggressive state of affairs.

As friends, relations, family members, co-workers or neighbours we often over hear statements like; “John was accused of hitting and intimidating her, charges were lodged, but he was unceremoniously released after two days. Two months later Clara signed a peace bond but the charges were withdrawn after she experienced pressure from extended family members.” One year after that, he killed her. (Not their real names).

Despite the fact that significant strides have been taken to benefit women when these expressive red flags arise, domestic violence experts say significant work remains to be done and I personally agree with them. I think as helping professionals we are entirely good at identifying who is at high-risk but I think the challenge is: then what do we do about that? Indeed, despite ‘comprehensive and innovative’ public education initiatives aimed at preventing domestic violence as a social work professional I have noted that among the general public; including neighbours, friends, and family who may suspect domestic violence, there is still an unwillingness to intervene by reporting etc. The assumption is that I feel there is a sort of societal reluctance to admit the reality that men kill women, who they say they love too!

In attempting to analyse the situation, I believe there can be a downplaying of some risks, by professional and within the justice system; we tend to look for the ‘lowest possible way to intervene’. Courts for instance should ‘over-respond’ in high-risk cases namely; when a couple is separating and or when there is a history of constant cruelty.

The argument is that it should be made easier to get legal tools like restraining orders or restrictive bail conditions, given the high stakes. Bureaucracy should not elevate any risks involved. “Let us over-respond and keep her alive and sort it out properly later. Let us not sing the national anthem of saying these are family disputes and should be taken care of at that primary level etc.’’
As a social worker, I cannot over stress the need to find more suitable ways of reaching those who are at risk and their perpetrators through means other than the police or the justice system. Experience has taught us that people, for many different reasons, are reluctant to involve the police.

An intervention from a third party, such as a doctor, pastor, or a teacher who notices something with the children, can be important to remind the person at risk that there are alternatives and help available.
A supportive workplace can make a significant difference to someone who is trying to leave a toxic relationship or find some channels of assistance. Most of us know this; this is not really speculation. We have survivors who are really vocal about what it means to have or not have support from the workplace. We spend so much time there and it is so critical to our well-being to have jobs and the ability to do good work and yet our mates just delay for something worse to take place.
A woman’s employment status like those who are meekly paid can have a major effect on someone’s ability to leave a toxic relationship. Thus, significant progress would be legislative change to provide paid leave for someone experiencing domestic violence and an employer or government to provide funds to be used towards counselling sessions, moving, going to court and more. It is general knowledge that domestic violence that does not end in homicide can still leave children with long-term mental and physical mutilation.