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UNDERSTANDING SINGLENESS

07/03/2017 04:23:00 BY Charles Samunenge

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Today I want to discuss the issue of ‘singleness’. A single person is one who has never been married for a variety of reasons. Maybe they have decided not to get married, or are not interested or they haven’t found the right partner yet. Single people also include those who were once married and maybe the husband/wife passed away or they went through a divorce.

It is very easy for singles to feel like life has offered them plan B of their lives. Most people think and believe that plan ‘A’ is to get married and have children. If this doesn’t work out then settle for plan ‘B’ which is viewed as a sorry state of affairs, or a sub human option. Marriage is not necessarily superior to singleness. Marriage life has its own challenges just like singleness.

Marriage is not designed to remove your singleness, but rather to enhance your uniqueness as an individual. We should not equate singleness to being bad, negative or unhealthy. Actually it is dangerous to rush into marriage if you haven’t embraced and understood your singleness, because you will always demand from your partner that which they are not able to give you, that is wholeness. Many people who rush into marriage before they see themselves as whole, unique and worthy individuals will always manifest symptoms of low self-image and have schizophrenic tendencies.

If we fail to maximise or embrace our singleness, marriage may not work very well for us. When we get married because we want to solve the problem of being alone, we are headed for frustration. There are thousands of lonely married people all over the world. The key to being happy and fulfilled is not marriage, but cultivating your uniqueness, wholeness and who you really are in God. As a single person you can live a joyful and meaningful life. Whatever level of singleness you find yourself at, it is always important to embrace and celebrate your singleness.

Actually the real meaning of singleness is separate, unique and whole. We must learn to maximise our uniqueness. When God created Adam, according to Genesis 2:15, He placed him in the garden. Adam was a whole, unique and happy man who really never asked God for a partner. It was actually God who said it is not good for such a unique and responsible man to be alone. Adam was busy taking care of the garden. As a single person you also have a garden, get busy with it. Genesis 2:15 gives us a description of what Adam was supposed to be doing in the garden, “Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it,” (NKJV).

Adam had the responsibility of tending, keeping and cultivating the garden. To tend means to attend to, care for, maintain, manage, nurse and nurture. To ‘keep’ comes from the Hebrew word, shamar, meaning to hedge about, to guard and protect. To cultivate means to foster growth or to prepare for growth. In order to maximise our singleness we must get busy tending, keeping and cultivating our garden. There must be growth in our garden of life. Below are some of the things that we must be cultivating in our garden as singles. Our relationship with God must always be cultivated for spiritual growth.
We must cultivate our understanding of who we are. Identity is key to birthing and articulating personal vision. We must come to that place of self-discovery.
It is also important as a single person to cultivate and maximise your talents and gifts.

We must also cultivate emotional health and growth. A single person must be stable, able to control his/her temper and desires. Self-discipline and self-mastery is the way to go as a single person.
Cultivating mental maturity: Work at increasing in knowledge, wisdom and understanding. You must have the right and relevant information for where you are and are going in life. Pursue your educational dreams.
Cultivate social growth: As a single person, learn how to relate well with other people. Develop good relational skills. A single person must relate in a loving, caring and wise way in order to have and retain good friends who will love you unconditionally. Build relationships which will enhance who you are.

Cultivate communication skills: Learn how to say what you want to say so well. Learning the art of effective communication is key to enhancing and building relationships.
Cultivate your own atmosphere of joy and happiness.
Cultivate and develop your leadership abilities and potential.

Always remember this; marriage is designed to enhance who you are, not to imprison your uniqueness. Therefore celebrate your ‘singleness’, grow in your uniqueness and refuse to be pressured by people around you. You are not a second class citizen, you are first class citizen. You are unique and whole, enjoy it and celebrate it. A word of advice; we must stop pressurizing, judging and having suspicious attitudes towards the unmarried people.