WE CANNOT BREATHE

What is happening in the kingdom? In the past few months too many newspaper headlines have been about the violence in this country. Children are getting kidnapped and murdered supposedly to make muti so people could win in the upcoming national general elections.

Infants are being dumped by their mothers. Women are still being raped and some killed by men they know and those who are strangers to them. Kwentekani!

I’m tired of opening my eyes every morning and struggling to breathe because I have to consider navigating a world that does not care at all about me. I’m terrified of being friendly to someone who may consider that an invitation into my space, I cannot stand being asked for my number, I shudder when I am the only person in a public transport, I truly have no idea how to stay safe in this country anymore.

We need to discuss the conduct of our Royal Eswatini Police, how there is a desperate need for the police service to get a crash course in sensitivity training as to allow them to better handle reports of domestic abuse.

Them telling women who report abuse that they need to try to fix things with the husbands who beat them is simply not going to cut it. Stop releasing statistics just do your jobs, telling us how many people have been murdered, women raped is not comforting, it illuminates the fact that there is more work for you to do!

I wrote a column last month about the harmful advice families give couples on their wedding day and everything alludes to kubeketela and that messaging is reinforced everywhere you go. No one ever wants to talk about how that advice is the reason we are burying women at alarming rates and I have a problem with that.

I never stay in spaces in which I no longer get joy, I’ve left jobs, ended friendships, distanced myself from family members so please I beg what is a problematic boyfriend?

And perhaps that is the reason I am still alive today because men are tricky sis. I say that fully understanding that not everyone could simply walk away, not all of us could identify abusive traits until it is too late, until you have bruises on your back and now you are both invested in keeping this secret. Liyabhubha lelive!

A few weeks ago a story broke about how Gqom artist Babes Wodumo had been abused by her ex-boyfriend Mampintsha and allegations circulated about how he beat her so badly once he broke her leg. He also allegedly hid her passport so she couldn’t attend the BET Awards where she was nominated.

The story broke on Metro FM where Masechaba, the show host, put Babes in a corner to get her to admit to Mampintsha’s abuse. It was horrifying to listen to and a lot of the commentary around that was about how we have to start speaking out if we know someone is being abused because that may save their lives.

I understand the reasoning but I do not agree with it – it is lazy and reductive. It ignores the psychology of someone who is being abused, it reinforces that they don’t have their power during the abuse and they don’t get to have it even when the story of their shame is revealed. Because there is a shame element to being an abuse survivor, it’s a lot of asking yourself how this could happen to you, how you could allow it.

There is also the big matter of leaving abusers feeling exposed and without any more control ergo unpredictable – Mampintsha could have done anything to harm Babes as a way to regain that control. However, if anything the dialogue around that saga further proved to me that no one actually cares about women or those who are targeted in violent crimes, which is altogether discouraging.
Now let me rant about our aspirant members of Parliament, why do you believe so deeply in the powers of muti and winning a seat in the August House at the expense of the electorate? Nitimisele ngani futsi yini lelengaka leniyoyenta lePhalamende kutsi ningaze nisontse sive? I am really disgusted. People get elected, take a photograph on the Parliament steps and play hot potato with the Sexual Offences and Domestic Violence Bill because they want to be able to rape their wives.

To the current MPs you are all disappointing because what is your legacy besides believing women and children are expendable in this country? To the electorate I beg that you register to vote, then you vote for your representatives women who would not pass laws based off of their inherent desire to coddle laws, which are destroying the country like men do. I need Eswatini to change, to do better because there’s a boot on our necks and we cannot breathe. This country has disappointed me for the last time I’ll tell you that for free.

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