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This is the speech, the freedom of which is yours

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Yes, you have a right to say what you feel, how you feel, at exactly the time you are feeling it. You can say, for example, the current Minister of Education and Training is a clueless person. Or you can say government’s spokes-person is immature.

Or that Swaziland is undemocratic. You can say basically anything you want. Welcome to my humble, double-story rondavel. We believe in assessing both sides of a story so we more often than not end up with two stories here. That is why this is a double-story rondavel.

Samkeliso Shabangu, please go and park your car properly. I’m receiving complaints that it is blocking the entrance to the gate. Thank you. Mlandvo Mamba, you are also wrongly parked. I know you have been in Cape Town for a long time, but rules are rules. I will soon introduce ‘Pakani’ around my rondavel as the parking space is getting really scarce.

If you say teachers are fed up with bathing in dishes while soldiers, warders and police have free hot and running water, it’s your right to say so. If you say you wish you had the opportunity to plant your fists into the bulging politicians’ tummies, then no one can shut you up. I was so shocked when I heard some people say they wished our most-vocal minister did not recover from his illness but, then again, there is freedom of speech here.

In my rondavel a few days ago, Sbooda and a couple of other gentlemen were drinking wine from a large green bottle, which they fondly termed ‘Salgaocar’. ‘Pass me the Salgaocar’, they would say. I honestly felt they shouldn’t be saying that. After all, this is an investor.

That he is destroying our roads and putting our lives in real danger doesn’t matter. That we don’t know how much we are getting from doing business with him doesn’t matter. All we need to do is send the police to escort him everywhere, not name huge, green, cheap wine bottles after his company. I don’t condone that kind of freedom of speech. No. But I had no right to interfere because they were exercising their right.

My daughter picked up a swearword at her school and used it around me. I put my pipe down, took my belt and gave her a few lashes on the bum. There is no freedom of swearing. Speech and swearing are two different things. I know the SWAAGA people are getting into their cars and coming to assess the situation right now. Honestly though, you fellas must be joking to say we should spare the rod and spoil the child. And, right there, I am exercising my freedom of speech.

If you say love is a beautiful thing, it’s within your rights to say it. That a minister recently confessed to committing adultery shouldn’t stop you. If you say she is lucky to be a minister because people with such a belittling and undermining mindset are not fit to hold such a position, then it’s your right.

 

I hate greedy politicians but I love my girlfriend. I love whisky. I love NikNaks. I love me and I love you. I love my pipe. I love my rondavel. I love Swaziland. I love my freedom of speech: Khux the DJ, Sbooda my friend, everyone here and there, you are free to say what you feel. This is the speech, the freedom of which is yours.

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